Experiencing Grief During a Life Transition
Oftentimes a life transition will involve a range of different emotions and a degree of stress. With new experiences, the focus for most becomes adjustment, adapting to change, and forward-thinking. Equally important, but sometimes overlooked, is considering how you might be feeling about a life transition. Our feelings matter and are more than worthy of acknowledgement during times of change.
Different Kinds of Life Transitions
Life transitions look different for everyone and can come in many forms. Some may be planned and some may be unexpected. Generally, they are defined as changes or shifts in one’s responsibilities, personal life, professional life, or relationships. Examples of planned life transitions could be moving somewhere new, moving in with a partner, getting married, starting a new job, graduating from school, becoming a parent etc. Examples of unexpected life transitions include but are not limited to loss of job security, loss of a loved one, changes in relationships etc. The umbrella term can also encompass changes in identity, such as a shift in roles, values, or beliefs.
How is Grief Related to a Life Transition
When we think of grief, we often associate the feeling with the lost of a loved one. A common misconception is that grief can only be experienced in response to a physical loss. While death is a significant cause of grief, it can also be experienced when navigating different types of change. Life transitions, whether expected or unexpected can be a source of grief for many reasons. Firstly, change and new experiences inevitably involve sitting with some uncertainty and unknowns about the future that can be uncomfortable and challenging to hold space for at times. In the same way, change can challenge a former sense of security and sense of sense. For these reasons, you may be grieving the loss of a past version of yourself, the comfort of a familiar situation, or a time in your life that was very meaningful or enjoyable to you. Even when we may choose the change, the change feels necessary, or involves new excitement it can still bring up feelings of loss. Both feelings can be true at once, and they are not mutually exclusive.
Different Types of Grief
As alluded to above, there are a variety of different types of grief that may be brought up during a life transition or change. These include but are not limited to:
Anticipatory Grief: Anticipatory grief is experienced before an expected change, transition, or loss occurs. It is characterized by the realization that the change will occur. The emotional ups and downs of anticipatory grief can be challenging, but are a normal response to an upcoming change.
Disenfranchised Grief: Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that is experienced when the feelings related to a change, transition, or loss are not openly acknowledged by others or socially validated. It may be common when experiencing grief during a life transition due to the common misconception that grief is only associated with a physical loss.
Role Loss Grief: Role loss grief is defined as the type of grief that is experienced when one loses a significant role or responsibility in their life. When the roles you once held are no longer a part of your life, it is understandable that this may lead to role confusion and uncertainty about how you should act.
Existential Grief: Existential grief consists of anxiety or negative emotions when considering life purpose or meaning after a transition or loss. This is common as loss or change is oftwn linked to bigger questions about our life values.
Cumulative Grief: Cumulative grief is experienced when different types of losses accumulate over time without being processed or when the associated feelings are not given a chance to be seen, heard, or acknowledged. This cumulative grief can feel overwhelming. Knowing that life transitions often come with multiple changes, it’s important to recognize that grief doesn’t always happen in one big wave. It can come in smaller, less noticeable moments that build up over time.
Moving On vs Moving Forward
When navigating grief, the concept of moving on can understandably bring up fear and confusion. In therapy, it can be helpful to reframe moving on from the past to the idea of moving forward. Grief work involves holding space for your feelings and giving them a voice so that you can find the support and validation you deserve. Useful time can be spent focusing on how you can take care of yourself and your needs as you navigate grief and move forward day by day. Change can always be an opportunity for growth. Helpful reflection questions when moving forward in a life transition may be considering what important lessons you learned from the past and what meaningful qualities or values you want to bring with you as you continue forward.