Men’s Issues
When we think of men, we think of providers, dependable, breadwinners, hard workers, strong, emotional, and intelligent… emotional? If the word emotional stuck out to you, maybe this blog posting may be for you.
Male culture has become a talking point where news outlooks, YouTube videos, and blog posting are all reporting on this issue. But the question is. Why now? Why only recently have we started to focus on male issues and male culture? There is no one correct answer, but as you read, try to take a moment and think about just one reason you believe male issues have recently become so prevalent.
Men grow up being taught strength, physically and emotionally, is essential and that providing and taking care of those around you is normal. While this statement is generalized, ask your grandfather, father, uncle, cousins and even brothers and see how they respond to "what does being a man mean?" Masculinity rejects the notion of femininity and the idea that it is okay to be in tune with one’s emotions and be expressive; in fact, masculinity is not so rigid to be one-dimensional, where the idea can take the shape of many different forms.
The Form of Struggles
• Less likely to seek out help.
• Stigmatization
• Increased alcohol and drug intake
• Increased and worsening depression and anxiety
• Closed off
• Overworking to keep oneself preoccupied.
• Suicide
• Smiling
You may read these and understand but look puzzled at smiling and why would that be a form of struggling? "Sometimes the people who smile the most are hurting the worst.” A man in your life could be struggling but will smile because they do not want to burden anyone else with problems, which leads to more issues for themselves. Sometimes, we get caught up in life and fall into roles that we point to one another and ourselves and when there are choices, men select self-sacrifice.
Being a man, I understand the difficulties of being raised in an environment where providing is vital and emotions are not useful and even now, writing this as a clinician in training, I still struggle with these issues. Why is this important? Why is this relevant? All people, not just men, are different and handle difficulties differently; depression, anxiety, anger, trauma, grief, and stress are all normal in our lives, so why do we, as men, put ourselves on a pedestal? Because we want to care for those around us the way we want to be cared for.
Support
How can we support the men in our lives to take that next step and better understand what they are going through?
Patience. Men may not be so Intune with their emotions, so baby steps can be quite effective and understanding what may seem like a small step for you can be massive compared to men.
Silence. Silence is golden; at points, just being with your partner when he is going through difficulties without speaking can show a deeper level of understanding and support.
Resource planning. Having readily available resources shows support, but it is not to pressure him but to give him the tools to make them easily accessible.
Value. Showing a man, even with his struggles, that he still has value and can still assist you and others around can have a profound impact on their readiness for change
Earlier in the blog, the issue was why men's mental health is now surfacing. The answer will vary, but now more than ever, the support system in a man's life to seek help and resources are more valuable than ever. Such examples of
1. Canadian Centre for Men and Families: Men’s Peer Support Group with resources for men.
2. Buddy up: Support network for suicide prevention
3. Movember: Awareness for mental health concerns with early prevention
4. HeadsUpGuys: Anonymous resource to help provide resources for helping men.
5. Mensgroup: Based online for easy accessibility and assistance with emotional intelligence and accountability.
The stigma of weakness grip is slowly weakening, and this is due to men becoming stronger than their fathers and grandfathers. Talking about problems does not make someone weak; it makes you relatable. Talking about feeling anxious and depressed does not make you disposable; it shows emotional intelligence. Men, we see ourselves like Superman, basically indestructible. But every Superman has a kryptonite. The only difference between us and Superman is that Superman acknowledges these weaknesses of his and finds ways to improve himself, as should we.
How can Men take those steps?
1. Talking to a loved one. It does not have to be a larger conversation, but slowly building up yourself.
2. Booking a 15-minute read consult. Having someone to talk to can be therapeutic and help get you to a point of readiness.
3. Learn to say no. Saying no does not mean you can’t. It just means you won’t for your mental health's sake.
4. Anonymously writing about your experience. Sometimes, we are not ready to talk to those we know. However, posting to a website where you feel secure is a beginning point.
Male issues are common, but they are just hidden behind closed doors because of the feelings of shame and stigma. Men’s therapy is relatively new within 2023 because the population is slowly beginning to come to the surface. Just like individuals with Trauma, Anxiety, Grief and other mental health concerns, it is from the bravery of individuals coming forward. To end, I will leave you with this. Quote “What's the bravest thing you ever said?” asked the boy. “Help” said the horse. “Asking for help isn't giving up,” said the horse, “it's refusing to give up.”
Sileo, K. M., & Kershaw, T. S. (2020). Dimensions of Masculine Norms, Depression, and Mental Health Service Utilization: Results From a Prospective Cohort Study Among Emerging Adult Men in the United States. American journal of men's health, 14(1), 1557988320906980. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988320906980