Navigating the Journey of Pregnancy Loss
Experiencing a pregnancy loss can be an incredibly isolating journey, often navigated in silence. Whether it's you or someone close to you, the emotional journey following such a loss is complex and deeply personal. Statistics from the Government of Canada (2021) indicate that 15%-25% of pregnancies end in loss, translating to about 1 in 4-6 pregnancies. But these numbers barely scratch the surface of the individual stories of heartache, healing, and resilience that each loss encompasses. Behind each statistic is a unique person experiencing a range of emotions and experiences and will need support that aligns with their healing journey. This blog will explore navigating these feelings and offer practical coping strategies. Additionally, we'll discuss how to sensitively and effectively support those who are grieving while fostering an environment of empathy and care.
A Spectrum of Emotions
After a pregnancy loss, you might find yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions, a ride that involves a broad and complex range of feelings. This journey can include profound sadness, grief, and a numbing sense of shock. Many also struggle with feelings of shame and guilt. Other emotions, such as fear and anxiety about the future, a sense of losing control over one’s life, and even unexpected emotions like jealousy towards others, can all emerge. Confusion and anger, whether directed outwardly or inwardly, are common and valid responses. It's not unusual to experience many of these emotions simultaneously or swing unpredictably between them. This is a normal and natural part of the grieving process, though it can sometimes feel overwhelming. In addition to this emotional rollercoaster, existential questions like ‘Why me?’ or ‘How is this fair?’ can arise. These questions are a natural extension of the emotional fluctuation and are an important part of the grieving process. They reflect a quest for meaning and understanding in the face of such a profound loss. Engaging with these questions, while challenging, can be a part of your healing journey as they evolve and help shape a new understanding of life, loss, and personal resilience. Noticing, recognizing, and acknowledging your emotional responses and deep-seated questions can be a supportive way to move toward healing and finding peace.
Coping with Loss: A Profoundly Personal Journey
Navigating the aftermath of a pregnancy loss is a personal journey that differs significantly from one person to the next. When trying to find your path through this challenging time, here are a few coping strategies. However, it's important to remember that not every approach will resonate. Each person's healing process is unique, and what might provide comfort and strength to one person may not have the same effect on another. As you read through these strategies, consider them with an open mind, embracing those that feel right for you and gently setting aside those that do not. The aim is to provide a spectrum of options, allowing you to discover and adopt what aligns best with your journey of healing and recovery.
1. Feeling Your Feelings
There's no "right" way or timeline to grieve. It's natural to experience a spectrum of emotions, which might come in waves or unexpectedly. It can be helpful to practice self-compassion by noticing and naming your emotions, then, while acknowledging these feelings, offer yourself some kind words (Harris, 2021). This might look like, “I notice that I am experiencing feelings of sadness. May I be gentle with myself.” Remember, grief can manifest in various forms - sadness, anger, numbness, or even relief at times, and all are valid.
2. Commemorating Your Loss
Finding a way to honour your loss can be a meaningful way to process grief. Here are some suggestions:
Planting: Choose a plant or tree that resonates with you, symbolizing growth and the memory of your little one.
Writing: Write a letter to your little one, expressing all the thoughts and feelings you wish to share.
Releasing: Releasing a balloon can symbolize letting go of the pain while holding onto the love.
Jewelry: Consider finding and wearing a piece of jewelry as a daily reminder of your journey and the love you hold.
Memory Box: Creating a memory box filled with keepsakes can provide a tangible connection to your little one.
3. Seeking Mental Health Support
Speaking with a counsellor, especially one who specializes in grief or pregnancy loss, can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and thoughts. They can offer coping strategies tailored to your unique situation and help process complex feelings.
4. Finding a Support Group
Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can be comforting and validating. Support groups, whether online or in person, provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing stories and hearing others' experiences can be healing and offer perspectives on navigating grief. The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network (PAIL) is a free support service for families across Ontario who have experienced a pregnancy loss, an infant death, or an elective abortion. PAIL support programs are led by trained volunteers who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss first-hand. They offer various services such as one-on-one peer phone support, online and in-person support groups and many resources online. For more information, you can visit their website: https://pailnetwork.sunnybrook.ca/
5. Practicing Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is incredibly important during this time. Self-care can take many forms:
Mindfulness Practices: Techniques like meditation or breathing exercises can help ground you in moments of overwhelming emotion.
Physical Connection: Gentle exercise, yoga, or spending time outdoors can help reconnect with your body.
Setting Boundaries: It's okay to say no to activities or social commitments that feel too overwhelming.
Reaching Out: Sometimes, self-care means recognizing when you need support, whether from friends, family, or professionals. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all in coping with loss. What works for one person may not work for another, and that's perfectly okay. The key is listening to yourself and honouring what you need in your healing journey.
Supporting Someone Who Has Experienced Pregnancy Loss
If you know someone who has gone through pregnancy loss, ask how they prefer to be supported. Avoid clichés or trying to find a positive spin on their loss. Instead, offer empathy, love, and compassion. Practical support, like helping with daily tasks or being there to listen, can be invaluable.
References
Government of Canada. (2021, April 26). Government of Canada. Canada.ca. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/infographic- perinatal-loss-canada.html Harris, R. (2021). When life hits hard. New Harbinger Publications