Postpartum Boundaries
Many of us have heard about the importance of boundaries, but beginning to set them or even thinking about what they might look like can be challenging. Having boundaries that align with your values and needs is an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships, in which you feel safe, secure, and respected.
During the postpartum period, boundaries become even more essential as you navigate a special yet often challenging time. Not only are you taking care of a newborn, you are also trying to take care of yourself as you adjust to a new transition. This is a time when your needs and your newborn’s needs can be very demanding, and with that, they require extra care and attention. With the excitement that comes with having your child, there is at times an expectation or pressure from your loved ones to spend time with you and your baby, or a tendency to offer unsolicited advice and opinions about your choices. While many family members and friends are well-intentioned in their efforts to see you or offer advice, this behaviour can be extremely overwhelming to a new parent who is juggling many demands and needs all at once.
This is precisely where boundaries can serve you in your postpartum journey, as you adjust to life with your newborn. While it is sometimes difficult to set boundaries in relationships, particularly with family members, it can ultimately pave the way for interactions that feel respectful of your space and needs postpartum. The first step of setting a boundary is determining what your needs or preferences are in a given context. Once you’ve recognized what conditions would make you feel most comfortable, you can gently and assertively communicate them to the people in your life. While this part can be particularly difficult, and many feel hesitant because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, not communicating your boundaries with respect to your needs and preferences may hurt you, and ultimately hurt your relationship with loved ones in the long run.
Some helpful steps you may take before having this conversation is practicing what setting the boundary will sound like. You could write down your thoughts and feelings and read them out loud to yourself until you feel more comfortable with the message you want to relay. You could also try to imagine and prepare for worst-case scenarios with your therapist, partner or someone you trust, to help you feel more prepared for various outcomes. Ultimately, no one can predict precisely how someone will react to their boundary-setting, and sometimes repetitive emphasis on your boundaries will be necessary. If the first conversation doesn’t go as planned, try not to feel too discouraged and allow some time and space before trying to set the boundary again. This process can be difficult and may require you to reflect on what is necessary to uphold your boundary. Just remember that you are entitled to boundaries that serve your values, and you know yours and your baby’s needs best!