Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Abuse
If you are unsure of domestic abuse, I encourage you to read my previous blog post,
Domestic Abuse and its Types
Suppose you are in an intimate relationship, dating someone new or have a friend or family member who makes you question your worth, mistreats you, or displays control and power behaviours. In that case, you may be experiencing domestic abuse. If you are concerned for your safety or are wondering if you are facing intimate partner violence (IPV), ask yourself the following questions about your behaviours:
Do you fear your partner’s behaviours or how he may act?
Do you try to avoid anything that may anger your partner?
Do you frequently follow your partner’s instructions rather than your own?
Do you do what your partner wants to do instead of doing what you want to do?
Do you frequently justify your partner’s actions?
Do you stay with your spouse out of concern for what they could do if you split up?
To further determine if you may be experiencing domestic abuse, ask yourself these questions about your partner’s behaviours:
Does your partner humiliate or insult you in front of your relatives or friends?
Does your partner react with jealousy?
Does your partner blame you for their violent behaviours or emotions?
Does your partner use threat or intimidation to coerce compliance?
Does your partner pressure you into sexual activities you do not consent to?
Does your partner hinder you from achieving your goals?
Does your partner minimize your successes?
Does your partner give you the impression that you cannot make independent choices?
Does your partner stop you from doing the things you want?
Does your partner give you a sense that getting out of the relationship is not an option?
Does your partner treat and grab you aggressively with hitting, shoving, pushing, or squeezing?
Does your partner make you feel you are nothing without them?
Does your partner say or do unpleasant things to you while under the influence of alcohol or drugs?
Does your partner check where you are by calling several times or showing up unexpectedly?
Does your partner abandon you someplace after an argument to “teach you a lesson”?
Does your partner threaten to harm themselves or you to keep you in the relationship?
Does your partner damage or throw out your personal belongings?
Does your partner encourage you to self-harm or take your own life?
Recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship can be challenging. Abuse in the home does not always appear the same, so it is important to note that your experience will differ from someone else’s experiences. It takes bravery to make the initial contact for help. If any of these things are occurring in your relationship, please seek help. The abuse will persist and can become dangerous and life-threatening. If a loved one is in an abusive relationship, some warning signs are helpful to know. These warning signs include, but are not limited to:
Marks, bruises, or injuries with no explanation or strange explanation.
Minimizes or hides injuries.
Isolation from relatives and friends.
Has a decrease in performance at work or school.
Behaves differently when their spouse is present.
Changes the subjects if their partner is brought up in the conversation.
Demonstrates risk behaviours (i.e., using drugs, higher alcohol intake).
Their partner often calls or texts regarding their whereabouts.
Their partner tracks and monitors their social media activities.
They appear to be controlled by their partner.
They show reluctance to make independent decisions.
Their partner publicly criticizes or embarrasses them.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or you suspect someone is in danger, call 9-1-1, tell someone you trust, and/or seek one or more of the following supports:
Call your local crisis line.
Arrive at a domestic abuse shelter.
Tell your family doctor about the urgency of the situation.
Call victim services.
Call and seek support from your community health centres.
Utilize religious or cultural centres.
For legal support, family law, housing support, and all other types of assistance, use the following link to find the appropriate help: https://www.ontario.ca/page/get-help-if-you-are-experiencing-violence#section-0. Remember, you are not alone in your fight against domestic abuse, you are not to blame, and nobody deserves to be abused.