The Beauty in Parenting

Sometimes I reflect on my child’s youth, a time when he was small and really needed me. I have very fond memories of when he was young, but not more than the challenging ones. A lot goes into parenting toddlers, preschoolers, and school-aged young ones. As parents, we are trying to raise well-adapted, happy and healthy children. Being aware of whether or not it is working is
another story.

A life with children means second-guessing; it includes doubt and worry. Sometimes it can be difficult to get through the days. Yet, we are reminded in those quiet moments when everyone has what they need, and there is a comfortable calm, that all is going to be okay. Taking time when life gets really busy, chaotic even, to remind ourselves that it is okay for the journey to look messy sometimes can help put the struggles into perspective. Not one parent navigates it flawlessly; there is no perfection in the parenting world. Reaching out to friends, family members, or new parent groups can add support we so desperately need sometimes. Often, reaching out to a therapist at this time can help alleviate the stress and pressure we are experiencing.

Outside of the basic necessities our children need, a very real desire is affection and comfort. Do we take the time in a crazy day to give big hugs to our kids and tell them we love them? The time might be ticking with jobs, obligations, deadlines, and responsibilities, but our young children don’t know that. They are curious, busy, explorative, and not at all concerned that we need to leave in 5 minutes to get to that appointment on time. I learned to start any task much earlier than I would if it were just me involved. I also learned to just get on the floor and play and not worry so much if I was going to be 5 minutes late.

Adolescence brings a whole new world of challenges. Instead of children wanting our undivided attention, they start to push away. This is a time when we wish we had our children's attention. A different level of worry happens when our children are doing their own thing. Are they making the right decisions, are they being safe, do they remember all the things we tried to teach them over the years, are they using their manners? It is an interesting time being a parent to teenagers; you start to feel a little more freedom for yourself, while parenting turns to guidance and sitting on the sidelines. There will inevitably be conflict as our teens explore their independence by challenging the household rules. The irony is that despite this stage being very trying at times, it is absolutely crucial in human development. I read somewhere once that a mother's voice changes in pitch and tune to our adolescent's ear. It seems that teens are not simply refusing to listen to their parents; they are wired to process their voices differently from when they were
younger. The purpose is for adolescents to become less dependent on their parents in preparation for adulthood. I wish I had known that back when I was repeatedly asking for the dishwasher to be emptied.

I came home the other week to my son unpacking his lunch bag after work. He asked how my day was and he told me about the tasks he had to do that day. He checked in that someone got around to cleaning the litter boxes while he was at work. He just received his third paycheck from his first job and he was happy to tell me about how his bank account is growing. While we were chatting, he unloaded the dishwasher so he could put in his dirty Tupperware. At some point when our children get older, there is a moment when we realize that our children are okay. An AHA moment when all the years of chaos, doubt and worry, struggles and challenges, have come to this point. We must have done something right, we made it through! Now we can reflect on all the beauty that parenting holds and let go of all those doubts and enjoy this next chapter of young adulthood.