3 Common Communication Mistakes That Might Be Hurting Your Relationship - And How to Fix Them
3 Common Communication Mistakes That Might Be Hurting Your Relationship - And How to Fix Them
Healthy and regular communication is critical to maintaining strong relationships. The importance of communication is not limited to romantic relationships. Relationships with friends, family members, and even co-workers can be positively impacted by strong communication or negatively by weaker communication.
Dysfunctional communication is not always the result of a lack of love or care. Instead, it may stem from an inherent desire to defend oneself or repeating communication patterns that were modelled earlier in life. These unintentional patterns can create conflict and rupture relationships.
As establishing the specific issue can be difficult, I will be highlighting three common communication errors and how they can be fixed.
Listening to Respond
The first common communication mistake is listening to respond, instead of listening to understand. Especially when tensions are high, an individual may be desperate to get their point across and forget to pay attention to what the other person is saying.
When someone is speaking, instead of trying to formulate a response, try processing what they are saying instead. Furthermore, instead of responding defensively or reactively, it can be beneficial to ask a clarifying question or a validating statement, to not only better understand the other person, but to make them feel heard as well.
Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Avoiding difficult conversations is another common mistake that can harm relationships. Sometimes, individuals assume that ignoring something that hurts them to avoid conflict will protect the relationship. What they might not consider is how this avoidance can build resentment over time. An attempt to “keep the peace” can result in built-up frustration that will eventually show itself.
Helpful steps to improve this include:
Reminding yourself that not all conversations need to, or will inevitably, be confrontational or intense.
Instead of focusing solely on the problem, pivot to finding solutions.
Approaching the conversation with an open mind, and a willingness to listen and understand.
Remembering that unaddressed issues rarely disappear, they often resurface in more intense ways.
Avoidance is a cycle that feels comfortable in the moment but can build resentment that will eventually show itself and has the ability to harm a relationship.
Losing control of emotions during difficult conversations
Emotions are NOT the enemy, and being emotional is not a negative thing. The issue is that when these emotions become dysregulated, we are more likely to say things we don't mean or become overwhelmed during conversations.
If your past experiences with communication have been negative, your brain will automatically try to avoid similar situations to protect you from pain or conflict. By practicing emotional regulation skills, you can change the way you experience these conversations.
Ways to stay emotionally regulated during difficult conversations:
If you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed or reactive, step away from the conversation and return to it later.
Take a few small breaths.
Listen attentively to what the other person is saying and take a moment to pause and reflect prior to responding.
Remind yourself that this conversation is happening because you both care enough to fight for your relationship.
Asking to step away from the conversation might look something like this:
“I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, can we take some time and return to this conversation in an hour?”
Offering a time frame for the break prevents the other person from feeling abandoned and ensures the conversation continues and is not brushed under the rug.
While these are only three examples of common communication mistakes, they show how little things can have big implications when it comes to relationships.
Healthy communication includes:
Maintaining self-awareness
Practicing active listening
Being reflective
Managing your emotions
Counselling can be a great way to develop communication skills and practice emotional regulation. Taking care of yourself is the first step to having healthy relationships.
Ultimately, improving communication can take time and practice. Mistakes in communication are normal and do not reflect who you are. Instead, they can be used as lessons that lead to growth. Even the smallest changes in how you communicate can make a big difference in your relationships.