Losing A Parent When You are Young
Losing A Parent When You are Young
To lose a parent is something we all know will happen at some point in our lives. However, when we lose a parent at a much younger age than expected, it feels heavier. There are a myriad of reasons for this like a lack of maturity that helps one deal with such a loss, a sense of robbery because you will miss out on having your parent at many of your milestones, and a lack of support because very few at your age can relate to this experience.
You feel too young to grieve yet old because your grief has aged you. You want to move on with your life because there is so much more of it to live but you feel stuck with all of these overwhelming emotions. You grow petrified that your remaining parent will die, leaving you an orphan.
What do I do if I lose a parent at a young age?
Surround yourself with those who have shared the same experience
Losing a parent at a young age is a very unique experience. It is important to surround yourself with those who understand the complexities that come with it. There are various communities online such as Too Young to Grieve that are dedicated entirely to supporting young grievers through posts, podcasts, blogs and (recently) in person events.
If you know of someone who lost a parent at a young age too, reach out to them. Odds are they would be more than happy to help you through your journey, and it might even help them with theirs.
Go easy on yourself
If you find you are not able to reach the same milestones as those who are your age or in general find that you act “differently” than them, do not fret. You have been through something life altering, it is only natural that everything has changed. You might have to take things at a slower pace, the things you used to do might not bring you joy, it’s only natural. Grief changes us. Do whatever currently brings you comfort.
Honour them
The idea of having to go through so much of your life without your parent can feel daunting. That is why I have found it comforting to reframe the notion that they are not gone so long as we remember and honour them. My dad passed away last year and it helps me when I do something he used to do, for example, reprogramming the lights on our tree outside to match the colours of the season/ holiday, or do something that he liked to do such as watching a new sci-fi film. It makes it feel like that person is alive again. Do not shy away from posting or talking about them because that is what keeps their legacy going. Try your best to live the life they would have wanted for you. When I started this practicum here at Fancy Therapy, I was sad that my dad is not alive to see it but I had many people say that even though he is not here, he would have been so proud of me and that that should be a comfort in itself.
Acknowledge that it sucks
There are many experiences in life that can be turned into “glass half full” but to lose a parent at a young age is not one of them. It sucks. It is terrible. There are no two ways about it. To lessen this pain, you have to acknowledge that. To try and minimize the pain, you will only end up increasing it. One time I saw the trailer to the new Mandalorian movie and it really upset me (my dad was a huge fan of Star Wars) and I told a friend of mine. She tried to comfort me by saying I can still see the movie, she tried to glass half full the situation. I told her no, let me be sad, let me acknowledge that this sucks. My dad should be here, watching this movie.
Losing a parent at any age is terrible but the complexity of losing a parent when you are young cannot be understated. It is unexpected and you feel robbed of the time you could have spent with them. However, there are ways of easing the pain.