Pressure
Pressure
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
The words above are lyrics from the song Under Pressure, a collaboration between British artists David Bowie and Queen. Along with being a really great song, it also touches on an emotion we can all relate to: pressure.
Shameless and Gilmore Girls are both favourite shows of mine and they have one thing in common: a character (Lip and Rory, respectively) who do not do well after graduating from high school in spite of being branded as “gifted” in their youth. This often perplexes viewers, “how could such a bright light burn out so quickly?”. The answer is simple: pressure. In both cases, their families put all of their hope (and in the case of Lip, financial aspirations) onto them.
Pressure does not always come from external sources, it can also (and often does) come from within. A perfect example of this is the way we stress about certain milestones. A milestone such as a birthday is supposed to be a happy event, yet it often invokes anxiety because we see certain ages as meaning we are supposed to have accomplished certain goals. While goals are good to have, the pressure they instil can be too much to bear, especially when we put a timeline on them. This is how quarter-life and mid-life crises happen.
How can we alleviate this pressure?
Set boundaries
If this pressure is coming from external sources, and it is beginning to take its toll on you, it might be time to set a boundary. To bring Rory from Gilmore Girls back to the fold, she was frequently asked if she really wanted to go to Harvard or Yale or if she was going to appease her mother and grandparents. She brushed this aside but in hindsight it seems this line of questioning was correct. Perhaps if she had set a clearer boundary and told her loved ones those schools weren’t right for her, her crash out would not have been so severe. It is better to set a boundary than to suffer the consequences.
Do not compare yourself to others
We all have a different path, we are all given different circumstances and challenges in life. To compare ourselves to others and say that if they achieved something at a certain age, we must follow suit is to do ourselves a disservice. While this is a tempting line of thought, especially in the age of social media where people are constantly broadcasting their accomplishments (and less so their tribulations), it must be resisted. It does not matter what or when you achieve your goals, your life is your own.
Reframing
Reframe what it is that you are trying to achieve. If your goal is giving you too much stress, consider a more attainable version of it. If you have had some stumbles along the way, remember that no path is perfect. Focus on what you have done right, not the mistakes.
Set time for self-care
To mention Rory one last time, her goal of going to Harvard (which later turned into Yale) was not a problem in itself. The problem was during high school, when she was trying to get into these schools, she rarely took any time to rest or relax. At one point in the show, she thinks she heard her brain ping but does not have the time to actually check it out. While this moment is played for laughs, it brings to light just how badly she is overworking herself. Do not be a Rory, take time for yourself even while striving to achieve your goals. Your goals will not vanish if you go on that vacation, watch an episode of your favourite T.V show, or go for a coffee break with a loved one. If anything, that self care will have you better primed to take them on.