The Relationship With Your Therapist
When thinking about starting therapy, people often focus on the modalities, techniques or style the therapist uses. Whilst these can be important factors, and specific concerns may benefit from the use of specific modalities, the research consistently demonstrates the importance of the relationship between the client and the clinician as a key determinant in successful treatment outcomes. Having a safe, warm, compassionate and judgement-free environment to explore your challenges can be immensely healing, and receiving care in this way is something many people have never experienced.
What Is The Therapeutic Relationship?
The therapeutic relationship is a compassionate, safe and collaborative relationship focused around supporting you to achieve your goals. Unlike relationships with family or friends, the relationship with your therapist is guided by boundaries, and although this may sound formal, this is exactly what creates the trust and safety needed to allow the process of therapy to be effective. In fact, rather than placing limitations on the relationship, these boundaries actually hold the safety, security and intimacy required for true healing to occur.
How Do I Know If My Therapist Is A Good Fit?
The relationship you have with your therapist should feel like a place of
safety, trust and compassionate care. A place where you feel supported and no
longer alone in your experience. This doesn’t mean your therapist won’t ever
challenge you or offer potential alternative perspectives, but it does mean you
can feel safe to express your needs, concerns and challenges, knowing you will be
met with predictable, compassionate and judgement-free care.
Common Misconceptions
Are Nerves Normal?
Absolutely! Therapy requires vulnerability and bravery, and it is not easy to sit across from someone and discuss personal challenges. It is important to remember that you don’t need to navigate these feelings alone. These are common and natural responses to starting therapy, and the therapist will both understand these concerns and be able to guide you through these emotions. Over time, as the therapeutic relationship builds, often these nerves start to calm, and a sense of safety and connection begins to develop.
My Therapist Should Always Agree With Me
A common misunderstanding is that a therapist will validate every decision or feeling a client may have. Whilst providing a judgement-free, safe and empathetic environment for exploration is imperative, the therapist may gently explore new perspectives, utilize techniques that assist with unhelpful patterns of thinking, or challenge ideas with the goal of guiding the client towards enhanced self-awareness, flexibility of thought, and personal growth. With this in mind, it is so important that you, as the client, feel heard. If this is not feeling true, discussing this with your therapist can provide the clinician with valuable information and allow them to adjust their approach to better suit your needs.
The Therapist Is The Expert On The Client’s Life
While a therapist does bring specialized knowledge and training to the relationship, the client is the expert on their own values, relationships, culture and lived experiences, and a good therapist recognizes this. As a result, the therapeutic relationship should feel collaborative and supportive in nature, and be established on the principles of shared trust, safety and a sense of mutual respect.
It’s Not Safe To Share With My Therapist That Something Upset Me
Rupture is an inevitable part of human relational experiences, and the therapeutic relationship is not immune to this. On occasion, an individual may feel their therapist didn’t fully understand what they were expressing or felt disappointed by the therapist’s response to something they shared. If these situations arise during the process of therapy, sharing these concerns with your therapist can be hugely beneficial. A skilled therapist will welcome this conversation and respond to this with gentleness and understanding, allowing you to process these feelings together. It can be a great opportunity for the therapist to model what authentic, consistent and open communication looks like, and for the client to practice expressing a need in a safe environment, where they know they will be met with care.
Know that your therapist is there to support you and help you to get the most out of your therapeutic experience. We care deeply about our clients’ needs, and we understand the anxiety and nerves that can occur when starting this process. You don’t need to navigate these feelings alone; your therapist will support you through this and work with you to build an environment and therapeutic alliance that feels right for you.