Wounds. What happens to wounds when we don’t treat them? They become more irritated. It might leave a scar, but the way in which we treat that wound during the time we notice it will play a key role in the way we remember that scar every time we look at. Entering the same activity that caused the accidental wound will also be based on how we treated the injury when it was severe. The way in which we manage trauma is very similar. If we don’t treat it when we notice that’s impacting our interactions, then how do we expect enter new situations in a healthy manner? Sometimes we don’t even realize the impact these traumas have on us until we are put in a situation that tests these prior wounds. Many individuals who have experienced high levels of trauma in their childhood, this is most likely going to affect one parents. Studies show that unresolved trauma plays a key role in the bond that a parent has with their child. Unresolved trauma may lead to a higher outcome of individuals experiencing challenges such as substance abuse, depression, chronic illness, and other mental health challenges. Having children at times may put us in high stress situations. If we have not been able to attain the necessary and healthy coping strategies needed to handle high stress situations, then predisposed learning to some of these unhealty coping strategies a may be our only choice of stress relief. This in turn impacts the well-being of the child and unfortunately results in a pattern of passing on these unhealthy habits in some situations. Entering motherhood comes with many challenges and areas of feeling overwhelmed. This is where many individuals may see the childhood trauma manifests itself in parenthood specifically through the way in which we interact with our children.

Entering motherhood with childhood trauma can have a significant impact in how we raise our children and can impact how we teach them to manage their emotions when experiencing conflict or stress. Many individuals may wonder why they manage stress and communicate the way that we do. Let’s think about how we witnessed our parents manage stress growing up and what became normalized. Many of us have experienced and witnessed negative responses to situations that have also become our responses to stress and high conflict situations by default. Have you ever wondered why this may have been our parent’s choice in emotional regulation? Childhood trauma experienced by the parent has a major impact on the styles of parenting and behaviour exhibited in the child’s upbringing. When we grow up in environments in which these negative interactions were conditioned as normal, this may be the way we naturally respond to our own children’s behaviours. We might notice how this affects in adulthood when we explore where anxiety comes from, where aggressive behaviour comes from, even where our attachment styles come from. Let’s take a look at our upbringing. How did our parents respond to us when we made a mistake? Did they yell at us for something as simple as dropping a glass or getting a certain grade on a test that was never “good enough”? Without this acknowledgement and/or professional support in revealing these experiences, parents may continue the cycle of generational trauma.

So how do we stop generational trauma as a mother entering parenthood for the first time? The first step is acknowledging and accepting the trauma. Once we have been able to learn and understand that we have experienced trauma and how that has shown up in motherhood, that is when we can do the real work. Once one is able to learn and acknowledge this, practicing different mindfulness techniques will allow us to learn new ways of managing stress while unlearning the old ways. The most effective way that one can do the work is starting when we first notice the impact of childhood trauma which may have already shown up in times of stress before entering motherhood. Being proactive in reducing the possibility of generational trauma is a key way to limit the ongoing experiences of depression and generational trauma. Similarly, learning to set boundaries with individuals who still have similar approaches in dealing with stress plays a vital role. The less exposure we have with negative approaches to dealing with stress, the more intentional we can be about implementing new coping mechanisms. Surrounding yourself with other individuals who are just as committed to changing some of these unhealthy coping strategies may look like communicating and finding support from other individuals such as therapists, doctors, or mom groups.

References:

Subasi, D. O., Sümengen, A. A., Ekim, A., & Ocakci, A. F. (2022). The relationship between Turkish mothers’ childhood trauma experiences and parenting styles. Child Abuse Review, 31(4). https://doi.org/10.1002/car.2747 3 /

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