When you are feeling “checked out”, emotional overwhelm or burntout, a helpful tool is the concept of the Window of Tolerance. This idea, first coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, offers a framework of understanding how our nervous system responds to stress, and more importantly, how we can learn to regulate ourselves over time. You don’t need a PhD in neuroscience to make use of this concept, in fact, once you get the basics down it becomes a powerful everyday tool for self-awareness, self-compassion, and healing!

So what is the Window of Tolerance? Imagine a zone or “window” where your nervous system feels safe, balanced, and responsive. Within this window you’re able to manage the ups and downs of daily life without becoming overwhelmed. You might feel a range of emotions such as stress, joy, frustration, calm, but you still feel present, connected and in control. When we are within our window of tolerance, we can:

Think clearly
Communicate effectively
Make decisions
Regulate our emotions
Engage with others in a grounded way

However, when something pushes us outside of our window, through trauma, chronic stress, or even a particularly bad day, we may flip into one of two states: hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

Hyperarousal happens when our nervous system becomes overwhelmed and goes into overdrive. This is the classic “fight or flight” response. Signs of hyperarousal may include:

Racing thoughts
Anxiety or panic
Anger or irritability
Trouble sleeping
Difficulty concentrating
Feeling emotionally flooded

In this state, the body is trying to protect us. It senses a threat (real or perceived) and ramps everything up to deal with it. This response is totally natural! But when we live here too often, it can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and health issues.

On the flip side, hypoarousal is when the nervous system goes into a kind of a shut-down mode. Think “freeze” or “collapse.” This is often the result of prolonged stress or trauma, when fighting or fleeing no longer feels like an option. Signs of hypoarousal can include:

Feeling numb or disconnected
Fatigue or low energy
Difficulty speaking or thinking clearly
Dissociation or feeling “spaced out”
A sense of helplessness

This state can be confusing, especially if someone doesn’t recognize it as a trauma response. People in hypoarousal may say things like “I just don’t feel like myself” or “I know I should care, but I don’t.”

Whether someone is dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma or life transitions, understanding the Window of Tolerance gives us a new lens to view emotional reactions. Not as something wrong or broken, but as signs of the nervous system doing its best to cope! In therapy we can work on expanding the window by helping individuals tolerate moreemotional intensity without tipping into overwhelm or shutdown. This process is called nervous system regulation, and it’s a core component of many trauma-informed and somatic therapies.

How can we return to our window? Your nervous system is not static! It’s adaptable, and with practice, you can learn to bring yourself back into your window more quickly and stay there longer. Here are a few regulation strategies that may help:

1. Grounding Techniques. These help reconnect you to the present moment. Techniques such as the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique (List five things you see, now four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste), holding a comforting object or texture, or putting your feet on the ground and focusing on the sensation can help you feel grounded.

2. Movement. Gentle, intentional movement can help discharge excess energy or awaken a numb system. This can be done by stretching, walking, dancing, or shaking out the body for example.

3. Breathwork. Your breath is a direct line to your nervous system. Techniques such a box breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, then hold for four second, and repeat), extended exhales (inhale for four seconds, exhale for six to eight seconds), or humming and sighing to activate the vagus nerve can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system to induce relaxation, reduce stress, and lower heart rate through the vibrations.

4. Connection. Co-regulation (i.e. feeling safe with another person) is one of the most powerful tools for nervous system regulation. This could be: talking to a trusted friend, sitting with a pet, or being in the same room as someone calming, even in silence.

If you have wondered why you “snap” when stressed or shut down when overwhelmed, you are not alone! Your nervous system is simply doing what it is designed to do! The more we learn to recognize the signs of dysregulation and gently bring ourselves back, the more empowered we become in our healing. Understanding your Window of Tolerance is like having a map and regulation tools are like the compass. With time and practice, you’ll find your way back to the center more often and stay there with greater ease.

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