When Rest Feels Unsafe: Why Slowing Down Can Trigger Anxiety
We are often told that rest is the answer. If you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or burned out, the advice usually sounds something like: slow down, take a break, rest more. And yet, for so many of us, rest does not feel calming or comfortable at all. It feels unsettling, or even anxiety-provoking. Slowing down can bring up feelings of guilt, restlessness, or a sense that something is wrong. Instead of relief and peace, there’s tension and an urge to get moving again.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re not “failing” at rest! For many people, rest can feel unsafe, not because they are doing it wrong, but because of how their nervous system has learned to survive.
For some, rest creates space, and in that space, thoughts and feelings may rush in. Worries that were easier to manage when you were busy have suddenly become louder, and emotions that were pushed to the side are now asking for your attention. Others may notice a sense of guilt creeping in. Thoughts like I should be doing more, I haven’t earned this, or I’m being lazy can show up very quickly. In a culture that equates productivity with worth, rest can feel like breaking an unspoken rule.
On another level, people who have a history of chronic stress, trauma, or caregiving roles may feel even more unsettled. Being busy may have once been a way to stay safe, staying useful, needed, or in control. When your body finally slows down, the nervous system may interpret that pause as vulnerability as opposed to safety.
Looking at this from a nervous system perspective, this makes a lot of sense. If your system is used to operating on high alert, slowing down can feel unfamiliar, which often does not feel very safe. In these cases, rest is not just about lying down or taking time off, but rather about learning how to let your body and your mind shift out of survival mode. That is not something that happens instantly, or easily, and you cannot force it with willpower alone. This is why some people may feel more anxious on vacation, on weekends, or during moments of stillness. The structure and busyness that provide a sense of containment disappear, and the nervous system does not yet know how to rest without bracing for what comes next.
When rest feels unsafe, being told to relax can feel really frustrating and invalidating. It can reinforce the idea that something is wrong with you for not being able to enjoy rest the way that others seem to. But rest is a skill, and it can be a hard one to learn! It is shaped by our experiences, our environments, and the messages that we have internalized. For some, learning to rest means learning how to feel safe enough to slow down before rest is possible. That process often needs gentleness, curiosity, and support, rather than pressure or self- criticism.
For people who struggle with stillness, rest does not have to mean inactivity. Rest can be movement that feels regulating rather than demanding, like a walk, yoga, or being in nature. Sometimes, it looks like doing something comforting rather than focusing on productivity. Rest can also happen in small doses. Pausing for a few minutes between tasks, noticing your breath for a moment, choosing one thing to not do today. These small acts of rest can help the nervous system to learn that slowing down does not automatically lead to danger or failure.
Therapy can be a supportive space to explore why rest feels unsafe and what is happening beneath that discomfort. Together, this might involve:
Noticing the beliefs that surface when you try to rest
Exploring where those beliefs come from
Learning how your nervous system responds to slowing down
Practicing rest in ways that feel tolerable rather than overwhelming
Over time, therapy can help shift rest from something that triggers anxiety into something that feels grounding, or at least more neutral. It can also help people reconnect with their bodies, recognize signs of overload, and respond with care rather than pushing through.
If rest feels hard, it does not mean that you’re broken or doing something wrong. It often means you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time. Learning how to rest safely is less about forcing stillness and more about building trust with your body, your needs, and yourself.
Rest is not always the soft, peaceful experience that we’re told it should be. For many people, it brings up anxiety, guilt, or discomfort before it brings relief. If that’s true for you, know this: your response makes sense. With understanding, support, and patience, rest can become something that feels less threatening and more supportive over time. You deserve rest that meets you where you are, not rest that asks you to override your feelings to fit an ideal.
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