October is full of talk about ghosts and haunted houses, yet sometimes the most haunting presence is our own self-critical thoughts. That small, persistent whisper that says, “You’re not good enough.” The one that turns a small mistake into a full-blown self-attack. The one that haunts us long after others have forgotten. We all have an inner critic.

For some, it shows up as perfectionism, the feeling that we must do everything “just right” or we’ve failed. For others, this may sound like guilt or shaming, replaying past mistakes on a loop in their minds. No matter how it appears, the inner critic can be exhausting to live with. It often keeps us from taking risks, showing compassion to ourselves, or even enjoying the good moments in life. So how do we quiet it?

1. Notice When It Shows Up

The first step is awareness. Our inner critic can often show up in small but subtle ways. These are expressed through tense feelings within our bodies, ruminating thoughts on a loop, or that “should have…” voice that creeps in after an experience. Try pausing and noticing what’s happening in those moments.

What triggered this thought?
What emotion do you feel underneath the criticism, fear, shame, and sadness?
Is this voice familiar from somewhere (a parent, teacher, or experiences)

Observing this thought pattern, without judgment, helps separate yourself from the critical voice. You start to see it as just that: a voice, not the truth.

2. Challenging our “All-or-Nothing” Mindset

The inner critic loves to tell us the most extreme thoughts, for example: “If I do not do this perfectly, I’ve failed,” or “If they seem upset, I must have done something wrong.” To change these extremes, try challenging these by adding flexibility to our thoughts: “Is there another way I could see this situation?”

“How would I talk to a friend in this same situation?”
“Can both things be true? I may have made a mistake, and I’m still a good person?”

Small shifts like these examples can help move our minds from black-and-white thinking toward a more balanced mindset. This allows for self-compassion to enter the room.

3. Speak to Yourself Like You Would to Someone You Love

When our inner critic is loud, our self-compassionate voice often goes silent. If you wouldn’t say something to a friend or loved one, why say it to yourself? Try practicing this: Imagine someone you care about came to you saying the same things you’re telling yourself. What would you say back? How would your tone change? That’s the voice of compassion, and it’s one you can practice using with yourself, too. This practice might feel strange or uncomfortable when you start, especially if you’ve spent your life being self-critical. But with some time and practice, self-compassion starts to feel more natural than negative self-judgment.

4. Remember That the Inner Critic Is Trying to Protect You

This might sound strange, but the inner critic usually has good intentions. It developed as a way to keep you safe, maybe from rejection, failure, or judgment. It’s trying to protect you from getting hurt, even if it’s not doing a great job of it. Instead of trying to silence the inner critic completely in our minds, let’s try understanding it and where it comes from. You might say to yourself, “I know you’re trying to keep me safe, but I can handle this now.” That small act of compassion helps calm the nervous system and makes space for growth.

5. Practice “Good Enough” Living

As we move into the darker, slower months of fall, there’s a natural pull to rest, reflect, and simplify. It’s okay to not be at your most productive or most social. “Good enough” can be more than enough. When you notice your inner critic creeping in, telling you you’re not doing enough, achieving enough, or being enough, try reminding yourself: “I am doing the best I can with what I have right now.” Often, that truth is enough to quiet the ghosts of self-doubt. The goal isn’t to get rid of the inner critic completely; it’s to stop letting it take the lead. Like any ghost story, once you turn on the light, the power of what’s haunting you starts to fade.

So this October, when you see masks and shadows all around, take a moment to notice the ones within. You might just find that the scariest voice in your life loses its power the moment you start talking back, gently, kindly, and with compassion.

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