Holidays at any time of year can be overwhelming for neurodivergent folks, but December seems to have its own unique challenges: bright lights, massive crowds, family gatherings, holiday tunes on max volume . . . For autistic folks and people with ADHD, sensory processing differences, or other neurodivergent traits, this time of the year might be more closely associated with sensory overload than sugar plum fairies. As a fun bonus, we’re expected to socialize far beyond our usual capacity and deal with disrupted schedules, all the while wearing a jolly expression on our faces!

But it doesn’t have to be this way!

With some planning and self-awareness, we can take care of ourselves and honour our boundaries as we take part in seasonal traditions. In this post, we’ll be looking at practical strategies for managing and communicating your needs to make this holiday season the most wonderful—or at least not the worst—time of the year!

Why is this time of year so challenging for neurodivergent folks?

During the holidays, specific stressors are often more common or intense than usual. Sensory overload is a big one. Bright lights, loud music, strong smells, and crowded spaces can be overwhelming—if hell exists (for me), it’s a mall the week before Christmas. Then we have the social overload associated with work parties and family gatherings. Neurodivergent folks might find these events exhausting due to the extra effort required not only to remember regular social cues but also the ones that go along with various holiday traditions. (A sprig of berries dangling from a doorway does not mean I consent to physical contact!) If that’s not enough, familiar routines are often disrupted around this time of the year. Travel, changes in sleeping patterns, and last-minute tasks or obligations can stretch our executive functioning capacity to the limit.

If you’re neurotypical, you might be thinking, “Hey, I feel like that too!” The holidays can be overwhelming for everyone, neurodivergent or otherwise. Why not validate and accommodate each other to make the holiday season more enjoyable for all?

Start your holiday shopping boundary setting earlier rather than later

Yep, the moment you hear Mariah Carey in your local grocery store is the moment to start thinking about communicating your needs and setting expectations. Doing so can be difficult, especially when friends and family are putting (implicit or explicit) pressure on you to conform to certain norms for the sake of tradition. However, the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll know what you’re dealing with, who can support you, and how you can prepare.

Be clear and upfront about your boundaries. “I’m happy to join for two hours, but I’ll need to leave by 7 p.m. to recharge.”

Prepare exit and decompression strategies ahead of time. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and need a quiet place to sit for a few minutes. Do you have a spare room I could use?”
Say NO. “This event is a bit much for me, so I’m going to pass on it this year.”

The key to setting boundaries is to communicate your needs clearly and with compassion, which reduces uncertainty and helps friends and family plan with your needs in mind.

Give yourself the gift of sensory overload prevention

With those boundaries in place, you can now turn to planning for the events you do plan to attend. Knowledge is power, so try to get a handle on what you’ll be facing ahead of time. Then, consider putting together a small sensory emergency kit to bring along. Here are some ideas for items to include:

Noise-reduction earplugs
Sunglasses
Fidget or stim toys
Hard candy/lozenges/chewing gum
A weighted blanket
A small comfort item for self-soothing

Don’t forget to adapt your kit to the context. While a weighted blanket might make sense at a family gathering, it would be more practical to wear fidget jewellery or choose a loose/constricting outfit for the office party, depending on what you find most comforting. If you’re at home or with friends and family who understand your needs, consider setting up a quiet, cozy space away from the main action, in case it all becomes too much.

If you’re at a more public event, explore the venue a little bit to identify a “retreat spot” you can casually disappear to on occasion. Stepping outside can be particularly effective. There’s nothing like a brisk winter breeze to cool off your nervous system.

Above all, don’t wait until it’s unbearable—schedule breaks and act early to prevent overstimulation before it becomes overwhelming.

Start a new tradition

Every age-old tradition started somewhere! Conventional holiday celebrations might not be the most enjoyable or comfortable, and that’s perfectly okay. In fact, creating new, neurodivergent-friendly traditions can be a powerful way to embrace the season without the stress. Here are some low-stress, quiet activities you can enjoy on your own or with friends and family:

a holiday movie marathon
a cozy craft day
jólabókaflóð (my personal favourite)
a cozy game night
cookie decorating

Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean that we have to miss out. We can also talk to our families about adapting traditions to be more inclusive. Dimming the lights and choosing quiet background music for the big family dinner are sensory- friendly and hygge moves. Whether inviting a group of friends over for a quiet afternoon of reading and knitting or devoting an entire day to a solo baking party, the key is to centre your own comfort and well-being while embracing what brings joy to you.

Above all, embrace imperfection and self-compassion

The holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact, embracing imperfection and being compassionate with yourself can be the key to enjoying this time of year. If things don’t go as planned—if a gathering feels overwhelming or a tradition feels too much—that’s okay. You have the right to define what the holiday season looks like for you. Whether you choose to create new traditions, set clear boundaries, or simply take things at your own pace, the goal is to craft an experience that brings you joy and comfort

Connect Here