Post-partum experiences for both men and woman play a key role in the breakdown in many relationships. Many studies show a decline in relationship satisfaction during the early years of parenthood. Many of these mitigating factors are closely related to the demands and invisible labour that is prevalent upon entering parenthood. There continues to be mixed views on what post-partum depression looks like for men in relationships and how it also impacts the relationship. There is also the debate as to whether post-partum depression occurs for men in relationships. This can be where tension and challenges can show up in the relationship. Feeling as though men experience zero emotions when perhaps, the way that they are displaying their stressors may not align with the same way a woman’s stress may manifest itself during the new journey into parenthood. It is an adjustment for both individuals in the relationship. Stress, depression and anxiety show up differently for men and women in relationships, especially when there is a new baby in the picture. Now, as a woman, I can’t speak for the experience of men post-partum but I can understand where the differences in experiences may show up in the relationship. This is not to discredit the emotions that men or women may experience but moreso to explore perspectives. Do we think that more relationships would last if both parties were to educate themselves on what depression, anxiety and stress may look like them for individuals before entering a sacred journey such as parenthood? Perhaps psychoeducation on what post- partum depression may look like for your partner may decrease tension and support more successful relationships post child birth. Studies show that stress post-partum is a strong indicator of depression for men. The mental state of both partners can increase negatively and therefore influence the mood of each individual. This is where we may see an increase in arguments, a decrease in intimacy and an even more increase in the mental challenges of each individual. Let’s not forget how lack of sleep for both individuals may play a key role in the state of the relationship. Having a child especially when breast-feeding can significantly impact sleep. From the mother’s perspective, this may look like mother waking up all hours of the night and therefore increasing irritability and impacting executive functioning. In comparison, this may in turn cause resentment onto the father which can then also increase tension in the home. Ensuring that there is support for each individual plays a vital role in the onset of new mental health challenges in the relationship. Overtime, this resentment may continue to build and manifest itself in mood changes, decrease in communication, hyper-independence which can at times naturally result in father being more distant. Another layer of fuel to add to the already building tension. So how can we support eachother during these challenging transitions? Patience. Studies show that post-partum depression can last up to one year after birth. This does not include the experiences of the individual during the 9 months before birth. When looking at these numbers, I’m sure we can see that is a long time. Would knowing about the possibility in the length of depression change those numbers of family breakdowns? Would exploring more education on post-partum depression allow both individuals to have a better understanding of both perspectives? Perhaps having a better understanding of what post-partum depression looks like for each individual beforehand can set up a softer landing for each individual post-baby. This is also where individual therapy and couples therapy may be effective before and after entering the journey of motherhood. Not everyone has a village or strong support systems in place for the emotional challenges that couples may experience during parenthood. Studies also show that post-baby, many individuals may start to see the impact of their childhood trauma show up in relationships. This may manifest itself through poor communication styles, an increase in anxiety and/or depression. This is why it can be useful to explore the life experiences of each individual beforehand in order to better support each other upon arrival of baby. Parenthood can be a blessing but also overwhelming in general. Managing different routines, emotions and challenges can also be overwhelming. Educating ourselves on what the experiences of others may look like can better prepare individuals for this new transition. Being able to set up supports beforehand can play a key role in decreasing the number of family breakdowns that occur post-baby. Many individuals may think that it can never happen to them but these are experiences and emotions that we don’t always have control over when they do happen to us.

Reference:

Forte Camarneiro, A. P., & de Miranda Justo, J. M. (2020). Emotional states and psychopathological symptoms in couples during pregnancy and post-partum. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 40(4), 384–398. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2020.1814226

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