As parents, understanding attachment is important because it shapes child development and helps us understand more about their relational and emotional needs. In research conducted by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the field of psychology, key patterns of child attachment were identified and inform the 4 common attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) often referenced today. Each attachment style develops based on how reliable and consistent parents are throughout their child's development. Parenting is not about being perfect, but being consistently responsive during distress or times of need.

Secure attachment not only builds strong emotional and relational skills, it also establishes a child’s sense safety in the world. When a child is securely attached it means they see their caregiver as a safe foundation to explore the world from, and someone they can return to when distressed. As a result, they often have trusting, balanced relationships in adulthood. Anxious attachment often shows up as sadness when children are separated from their caregivers, and difficulty being comforted upon return. Avoidant attachment tends to look like emotional self-sufficiency. Children may appear independent and less likely to seek comfort, often due to experiences of emotional unavailability. Finally, disorganized attachment involves conflicting behaviours such as seeking closeness, but freezing unsure of how to connect. It can develop from experiences of fear and unpredictability.

Attachment parenting involves developing secure attachment by building a strong emotional connection with your child. As parents, it is important to respond with sensitivity, be emotionally present, and create a secure, loving bond where trust and responsiveness are the foundation of the child/caregiver relationship. The key is to be present, consistent, and connected to your child.

Responsive sleep and feeding are two ways to attune to your child’s needs at an early age. Responsive sleep involves tuning into your children’s sleep cues and letting them guide the timing and approach to rest. This can look like being there for night wakings and responding gently and consistently. Responsive feeding involves considering when and why we feed as a way to understand children’s hunger and fullness cues. By observing these cues over time, you can begin to recognize what they look like for your child.. The heart of these approaches is flexibility and adjusting parental responsiveness with developmental changes and the individual needs of your child.

Another way to strengthen attachment parenting is by practicing respectful discipline, as an approach focused on empathy, clear boundaries, and collaborative problem solving. Respectful discipline guides behaviour while maintaining safety and connection for a child by focusing on security and cooperation. Disclipline in this way represents opportunities for children to learn, develop self-regulation, responsibility, and empathy, rather than responding out of fear or pressure.

Scientific literature has linked secure attachment to life-long benefits, where resilience and social skills allow children to approach challenges with confidence as adults. It is important to remember that parenting is about presence, not perfection. It is about reconnecting with our children after ruptures and being emotionally available. The everyday, small moments (such as play and comfort) matter as much as intentional responsive parenting.

All relationships have ruptures and repairing these with our children along the way helps children feel safe and secure. Our early relationships create an internal template for how we soothe, connect, and relate to othersUnderstanding how your own attachment style impacts your parenting, can allow for reflection, growth, and intentional action. How were emotions addressed in your own family? Is there anything you would like to see yourself do differently? What is important to you as a parent?

Seeking information and resources such as this blog and workshop can be transformative. Mindful parenting allows us to pause, breathe and remind ourselves that our childhood feelings are not threats, they are opportunities for connection, healing, and reflection to show up for our own children.