Have you ever heard of the “Ouch!” technique? It's a super simple and quite effective method to address hurtful comments. When someone says something that hurts or feels a bit off, you can say “Ouch!” and perhaps share a brief thought about how it made you feel. There’s no need to raise your voice or become confrontational. Think of it as gently raising your hand to highlight a comment that stung a little. For instance, many diversity workshops suggest this approach: Say ‘Ouch!’ when something hurts; it’s all about owning your feelings. The idea is to express discomfort without turning it into a major confrontation, which leads us directly to the following topic: microaggressions. Let’s take a closer look at what they are and how they relate to these moments of hurtful comments or actions.

Microaggressions are everyday comments or actions that seem small but carry a hidden jab, sometimes intentional, often not. They are usually aimed at someone’s identity, like their race, gender, or background. They might sound like a compliment or a joke, but they leave people hurt or excluded. Imagine getting poked over and over with a toothpick, not enough to injure you, but enough to wear you down. That's kind of what microaggressions feel like. They're small comments or actions that, over time, add up to cause real pain. Sometimes, when someone says something that stings, even subtly, our instinct is to retaliate, withdraw, or replay it in our heads later. But what if you could pause instead of exploding? That's what the "Ouch!" technique helps you do.

This type of pause in therapy speak is called defusion, the ability to step back from your thoughts or emotions rather than getting tangled up in them. Saying "Ouch!" out loud helps you notice, "Hey, that hurt!" without launching into a big debate or reaction. It's a way to name the feeling, own it, and keep your cool, which surprisingly can be very powerful in that moment.

Using "Ouch!" to address microaggression comments or behaviours allows you to point out the hurtful comment or action and then provide space to explain why it felt unfair, if you want to address it.

Here are some steps to try the "Ouch!" technique yourself:

Notice the hurtful comment. If something makes you flinch or feel off, pause.
Say "Ouch!" calmly. Use a steady tone, not sarcastic, like you're gently holding up a stop sign.
Add a follow-up statement. You can keep it at "Ouch!", or add a simple follow-up like "I don't love that" or "I know you mean well, but that hurt."
If it feels right, ask the person to explain. If it feels safe, ask, “What did you mean by that?”
Stay calm or step away. No need to argue, saying “Ouch!” and stepping away can be powerful.

The key is that even a simple word can shift the tone. You're showing you felt something without blaming the other person. People often apologize or rethink after hearing "Ouch!" once it's explained. So, next time someone drops a comment that doesn’t sit right, maybe it’s a joke that goes too far or a backhanded compliment, try saying “Ouch!” and see what happens. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Just that one word can make people stop and think. You’re not picking a fight, you’re just letting them know something landed the wrong way. It’s a simple way to speak up without getting pulled into a big reaction. Give it a try, it might surprise you how much it shifts the moment.

References:

Ouch! That Stereotype Hurts

Microaggressions: What’s the Big Deal & What Do I Do About Them?

Microaggression Handout

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