Loss is something that most people will experience throughout their lives. An unfortunate fact about life is that it does, in fact, come to an end, and this applies equally to us all. Loss is something universal.

Once we’ve experienced a loss, we then have to process it. Grief differs from loss, even though the two are often inseparable. The process of grieving typically refers to the actions, feelings and experiences that occur as a result of loss, and this can be a much less universal experience.

Grief can be a lonely process, and the ways in which we grieve may not make sense to others, or even to us. Grief is about understanding, and when we’re met with a painful loss, there’s a lot to understand. Why did this happen? What sorts of things will I not get to experience anymore? How will this change things in my life? How can I preserve and remember what I’ve lost? Many of the questions we ask ourselves can be difficult to answer, especially early on.

The five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) are a helpful tool in visualizing a typical chain of events that may occur when an individual grieves. This model is certainly not one-size-fits-all, however, as individual experiences with loss and grief can vary wildly. Any of these five stages can be out of order, recurring, disproportionate to the other stages, or entirely absent. One person may not resonate with the Denial stage, or anything associated with it. Another may find themselves continuously lapsing into what feels like the Anger stage. A person who loses a loved one in a prolonged manner, such as to Alzheimer’s disease, may have processed a lot of grief before their loved one has actually died.

All that to say, there isn’t any one way you should expect yourself to grieve. There’s no right amount of time, and there’s no mandatory level of pain or sadness to feel. There are ways that help others that may be detrimental to you, and vice versa. Going back to the five stages, the fifth and final stage, acceptance, has a special role. Acceptance is the end of this process. We don’t defeat, banish, or put an end to feelings of loss. We learn to live in a new way, and we uncover strategies to help us do so. Many things will never be the same, but if we’re able to accept that, we can begin to chart a new course for ourselves

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