There are events in life that make us feel like our story has slammed shut. A breakup that leaves your chest empty. A job loss that shakes you. A long- worked-for goal that slips away suddenly. These experiences carry an emotional weight. You look around and wonder whether the momentum you once felt will ever return, or if something essential has faded beyond reach.

Experiencing Avoidance and Hopelessness

In these seasons, losing hope can feel frightening. The future can refuse to take shape in your mind. Your energy turns inward. Your system shifts into protection mode because moving forward feels risky. It can feel easier to stay frozen than to try again, easier to keep the heart quiet than invite the possibility of another wound.

Avoidance often holds more meaning than we give it credit for. It is serving multiple purposes, mainly, trying to keep us safe. The instinct to shield yourself comes from a place of care. It signals how deeply you felt the loss and how sincerely you long for stability. Often we want to see avoidance as an unhealthy drive, however this instinct deserves compassion. It tells the story of a nervous system working hard to keep you intact.

Cognitive Fusion

Within that protective space, certain thoughts can begin to rise. The mind offers lines that sound final and absolute:

“I already missed my chance.”
“Nothing is going to change.”
“I will never be able to do this.”
“I will never find love again.”

These thoughts arrive with the weight of certainty and feel very real to us in the moment. They feel carved into the truth of your life, as if your future has already been decided. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, this moment is understood as fusion. A thought appears, and instead of noticing it as a thought, you merge with it. It becomes the lens through which you see yourself and your future. The mind tries to protect you by narrowing the story to something it believes will reduce further pain, even if that story brings its own suffering.

But what happens if we slow down and start to see these thoughts as stories rather than facts? The grip can loosen. The tone softens. You begin to recognize that your mind is trying to help you navigate a chapter that feels unbearable, even if its strategies are misguided. A small amount of distance opens between you and the thought. In that distance, room for choice returns. You can acknowledge the story without letting it dictate your path.

Values

When we are able to take these steps, we may start to be able to see our values again. These are the moments when values quietly come back into view. When people feel stuck, deeper values can get lost within the negativity and noise. Emotions such as fear, exhaustion, and disappointment can take over. However our values serve as a sort of compass for us. They can help to guide next steps, and do not rely on certainty in life. They speak to what matters most in the long arc of your life.

For example, if you are grieving a breakup, you might ask yourself what you value in relationships. Connection. Care. Belonging. Tenderness. These values do not disappear when a romantic relationship ends. They can be expressed in friendships, in family bonds, in community, and in gentle care toward yourself. Living from these values, even in small ways, reinforces that your capacity for connection remains alive.

If you are recovering from a setback in your career or schooling, you can return to the values that first guided you. Growth. Curiosity. Progress. Contribution. These values can be lived through small efforts, small routines, and small steps that remind you that you are still capable of movement. You do not need a sweeping gesture to reclaim your direction. Each small, aligned choice tells your mind and body that you are still building something meaningful.

Second chances rarely begin with confidence. They rarely begin with clarity or excitement. They usually begin with willingness. A readiness to take one step toward what matters, even with fear beside you. This willingness softens the stuck chapter. It only asks that you stay connected to the life you want to create.

A second chance can grow through the small acts you take today that honour your values. Over time, those acts create space where the story once felt closed. They help you see that your life still contains many chapters. And slowly, the next one begins to reveal itself.

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