Building a practice of reflection is one of the most important tools for self-growth. Not only does it create space for processing and problem-solving, but it also allows us to look back and see growth we might not have noticed before. As I inch toward graduation and the end of my practicum experience, my supervisor has encouraged me to use this opportunity to reflect on the experience of being a student therapist and share some lessons learned. As I contemplated what to share, I came across something from my other good teacher, Netflix, that stopped me in my tracks. I know, I’m supposed to be pulling from piles of research or great philosophers, but Netflix? Well, one of the things I’ve learned from this experience is to look for lessons in unexpected places. When something stirs up deep feelings, don’t ignore it; investigate it. So, here’s what I found…

“The Quilters” is a short documentary about a group of inmates in a maximum security prison who began sewing quilts for children in foster care and ended up with a profound and meaningful experience. While the concept may sound simple on the surface, I couldn’t help but notice deep underlying themes that mirrored my learning experiences as a new therapist. The first thing that stood out to me was the presence of supportive relationships between the quilters. Their time outside the quilting room looks cold, isolated, and lonely. But in that room? There is community, connection, and support. As student therapists, we are taught that our relationship with the client is the most important thing we bring to the table. On paper, this is an easy concept, but in practice, it is hard to feel like you’re being helpful without providing tangible tools. And while I do provide tools when necessary, I have seen time and time again how a supportive relationship fosters confidence, personal insights, and bravery to try something new. The quilters aren’t afraid to own a mistake or try a bold colour or form a pattern that’s out of the norm, because they have a safe place to land. It is always my goal to create that space for my clients. And this concept can be taken outside of the therapy space- who do you create a supportive environment for? Where do you find your connection? In what space is being more important than doing?

Another lesson the quilters embody is the importance of thinking inside the box. Yes, inside. In a place like prison, where freedoms are so limited, it would be easy to spend all day thinking about what you could do if you were only somewhere else. But instead, we see a group of men who have decided to do the best they can with what they have in the present moment. Thinking inside the box is all about accepting the reality of situations and embracing limitations to flourish right where we are. This is as applicable to clients as it is for me- someone starting out who doesn’t have all the tools or experience just yet. Yes, we work to better ourselves, our situations, and the world at large, but we don’t have to wait for “one day when” to embrace the tools we have now and seize today’s opportunities. Like the quilters, my hope for my clients is that by thinking inside the box, even through loss, hardship, and pain, you may find meaning and strength in the here and now.

While I could go through many other lessons and themes, I’ll end on what I think was the biggest thread woven through the quilters’ experience: Purpose and gratitude. If you think about it, the two are inextricably linked. What you are grateful for speaks to what you value, and what you value speaks to what brings you purpose and fulfillment. For the gentlemen in the documentary, their gratitude for the opportunity to quilt was evident in just about every scene. They spoke of the redemption they gained from working toward a greater good. This purpose was something that enabled them to leave the prison, in their own way, and connect to humanity again. Gratitude is very powerful in that way. It is a form of reflection in and of itself, which reminds us of the ways we choose to find meaning in this life. At the outset of my clinical work, I found myself thanking clients after just about every session. At some point, when I noticed this practice, I took a step back to ask myself why. On the surface, I was grateful that they took the time and chose to see me and help me along with my learning process. But when I watched The Quilters, that’s when the lightbulb went off. Gratitude came so automatically because I knew deeply that this experience was a privilege that allowed me to connect to my greater purpose. And so, I will continue to thank my clients for allowing me into their lives because, in that regard, it is a two-way street. I recognize the give and take of the relationship, and I am increasingly grateful for it.

Reference:

Smith, J. (Director). (2024). The Quilters [Video]. Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/82006530

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