I don’t know about you, but I spent decades buying into the “New Year, New Me” hype every January. The practice of setting New Year’s resolutions is well intended, but it sends the implicit message that we need to change ourselves to be better or different. Many of us have made resolutions to “fix” ourselves—lose weight, get organized, be more productive—through drastic changes in our lifestyles and routines. What if, instead of focusing on fixing, we focused on flourishing by living in alignment with who we already are?

Why do we feel the need to change, anyway?

Have you noticed the recent uptick in ads promoting weight loss and dieting apps? Software to boost your productivity? The newest skincare trend? It’s not a coincidence! Because we live in a ~*society*~, we are bombarded every day with the promise that adhering to cisheteropatriarchal beauty standards and cramming productivity into every moment of our day is the path to true happiness. These expectations promote the idea of constant self-improvement.

The implicit message is that we’re not enough as we are, which perpetuates a cycle of shame and self-doubt. Like capitalist businesses striving for infinite growth in a finite world, we are pressured to pursue constant self-improvement. The kicker? Perpetual growth is impossible for businesses, and it’s impossible for people too. Constantly chasing perfection just erodes self-acceptance and reinforces negative self- perception when we fail this impossible challenge.

Ready to break the cycle?

The first step is to consider the differences between resolutions and intentions. Resolutions tend to be focused externally and rooted in comparison: achieve this goal, change that behaviour, be more/less whatever . . .

Intentions, on the other hand, focus on aligning our actions with our internal compass—our values, core beliefs, and authentic selves. Intentions are not about fixing what’s “wrong” but about amplifying what’s already right.

From change to self-alignment

The second step involves a paradigm shift that emphasizes self-alignment over change for change’s sake. Setting resolutions starts with assumptions of deficiency: not active enough, not disciplined enough, not organized enough… What if we started from a place of self-compassion and acceptance? What if we centred our values in this process? To do this, we need to name the core values that are most important to us. Maybe you value authenticity and autonomy, or maybe creativity and community are the most important to you. Either way, these are what will anchor your intentions and set the stage for a more authentic year.

What if I don’t know what my values are?

No time like the present!

Reflect on moments in your life when you felt most proud, fulfilled, or centred. What values were present?
Think about what angers or frustrates you. Values often lie on the other side of pain, either because a value has been violated or because we are being prevented from engaging with it.
Try a values card sort. Many interactive websites let you sort through commonly held values to help you explore and prioritize what is most important to you.

Once your values are clearer, ask yourself, “How can I live these more fully in the coming year?” The answers will become the foundation for your intentions.

Designing intentions that reflect your authentic self

If this process feels overwhelming, you can focus on different life domains. Every New Year’s Eve, I ask myself, “What do I want?” in the following areas: spiritual, mental, work, love, wealth, social, physical, and inspiration. Then, I dream big and journal about what I want my life to look like, find common themes, and distil them into the five main intentions I use to guide my plans for the year. Here are some ideas:

Authenticity. Instead of resolving add contacts to your network more, set an intention to seek out relationships built on mutual respect and honesty.
Creativity. Rather than writing every day or meeting a specific productivity goal, set an intention to explore your creativity through playful experimentation.
Connection. Instead of increasing the number of social events you attend, set the intention to nurture and deepen existing relationships.

From intentions to actions

At this stage, it’s important to focus on practices rather than outcomes. Instead of setting a rigid goal like “read 50 books by the end of the year,” focus on creating space in your life for what brings you joy and aligns with your values (e.g., “I will make time for reflection and learning”). Imagine what living your intentions looks like and start small by brainstorming values-aligned actions: for example, “I will read a little before bed every night” or “I will nourish my body by drinking water first thing in the morning.”

What happens when I “fail”?

Life will throw challenges our way, and we will stray from our intentions. Living in alignment with our values is not about perfection. When we inevitably find ourselves bingeing the newest Scandi-noir drama for 10 hours instead of housecleaning (*avoids eye contact*), we can use the moment to reflect: “What can I learn from this? What led me to make this choice? How can I realign with my values moving forward?”

In my case, I’ve usually worked myself into an ADHD mini-burnout, and losing myself in the beautifully bleak landscape of the Shetlands is my body’s way of telling me I need to slow down.

Checking in

Whether we schedule reflective rituals according to the moon, the seasons, or calendar dates, regularly checking in with ourselves about whether we’re living in alignment with our values is an opportunity to take stock and make any necessary changes.

The thing about resolutions is that falling off the bandwagon feels like a failure. Welp. There’s always next year, I guess.

With intentions, we acknowledge that our values change and grow with us and make space to reflect on our intentions in different ways: “How have I lived my values this month? Where did I feel inauthentic? What do I want to adjust?”

And remember . . . we’re trying to do this from a place of self-compassion—not deficiency and judgment—so celebrate the small moments where you showed up as your true self. These are the wins that matter.

Final thoughts

As we move into a new year, let’s think about how we can embrace our values and honour our authentic selves rather than chasing external measures of success. Together, let’s answer the invitation to step into the fullness of who we are, as we are.

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