For many of us, when we experience feelings that are uncomfortable, we try our best to get rid of or ignore it. This can be done in obvious ways, such as mentally or verbally ‘fighting’ the feeling or telling it to go away. Alternatively, it can also be less obvious, such as through scrolling social media for hours, binge watching a television show, or deep diving into a new work project without breaks. These attempts to ignore or distract can feel nice and productive in the moment, but have you ever paused to reflect and ask yourself: what am I avoiding?

Avoiding or ignoring hard feelings is something every human being does from time to time. While it is natural to shy away from feelings that are challenging to sit with, these same challenging feelings sometimes can lead us through doors of greater self-understanding and growth. Feeling safe and comfortable enough to sit with discomfort can be tricky, especially when we’re unfamiliar with where to even begin. To get started, let's begin with reflecting on why we may have this tendency in the first place.

Why Do I Avoid Hard Feelings?

Sadness, anger, embarrassment, fear. These are all feelings that are common to experience, yet are quite uncomfortable to sit with. Uncomfortable feelings can invoke body sensations and heavy thoughts that are overwhelming to sit with, and our brains do their best job at helping us avoid that discomfort when we can. When facing emotional challenges, we may instinctually lean into avoidance, distraction, or nervous system responses such as fight, flight, or freeze. While these responses serve a valuable purpose in protecting us in real moments of threat or danger, they can also kick in unnecessarily when we encounter day to day challenges, such as a difficult conversation with a friend or a moment of vulnerability with a partner.

In addition to our natural responses, we can also take a look at the social and cultural conditioning that has reinforced this tendency for many of us. While sociocultural conditioning can vary person to person, it is not uncommon for some people to grow up hearing messaging sounding like “cheer up,” when showing discomfort, or “be strong,” when facing challenges. There is nothing inherently wrong with these messages, but for some, they reinforce an urge to hide away discomfort when we’re facing it - resulting in it becoming buried, further impacting our mental and physical health down the line.

How Can I Sit With Discomfort? And Why Does It Even Matter?

You may be asking, “Well, if this is my body’s natural response, why should I fight it?” This is a valid question, which I will answer with another question: if we avoid and distract ourselves from our discomforts, our pains, and our challenges - where do they end up? When we face these opportunities to sit with our discomfort, we increase our capabilities to understand ourselves more deeply and rebuild a stronger sense of emotional resilience. Sitting with discomfort teaches our minds and our bodies that we are capable, strong, and sufficient. We learn that we are powerful and resourceful enough to navigate overwhelming feelings when they surface.

While learning to sit with discomfort can be an ongoing process, here is a few ways to begin exploring what it feels like to sit without distractions:

• Spend some time alone or in a quiet space. (What comes up for you when you aren’t experiencing stimulation from something else in your environment?)

• Observe what comes up without judgement. (Sitting with discomfort is tricky. What can you say to offer kindness and compassion to yourself in these new moments?)

• Focus on your body. (Sometimes, our discomfort is physical. Where do you feel your emotions in your body?)

• Set boundaries with yourself. (Set a time limit. If we know we’re only sitting with this discomfort for 5 minutes to start, we can minimize the discomfort and keep it contained and safe.)

• Reach out for support. (You don’t have to sit in discomfort alone. Talk to someone you trust as you begin this process - a friend, a partner, a family member, a therapist, etc.).

  Remember, sitting with discomfort is challenging, especially when you haven’t had a lot of practice with it. However, reminding yourself of why you are trying this to begin with can be a helpful way to ground and re-center. Showing up for yourself can be a compassionate way to teach your body that you are here and committed to yourself - even when it feels hard to do so

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