I find that the phrase “Finding yourself” is often portrayed as some “dramatic journey” that involves quitting your job, travelling the world, or starting over completely. But in truth, I believe it to be much quieter and more personal. It means peeling back the layers of who you think you should be and reconnecting with who you truly are. Your values, your desires, your voice. It’s about asking honest questions, sitting with discomfort, and making choices that align with your inner truth rather than external expectations. Finding yourself isn’t a one- time event. It’s an ongoing process of coming home to you.

Who Are You…. Really?

Your story is what makes you unique and powerful. In today’s world, our identity is often defined by external markers like our name, career, accomplishments, social roles, and how we look. But beyond these labels, who are we at our core? I ask because you are not your job. You are not your status or the persona you present. At your core, you are the presence, the essence that bases your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions flowing through your mind and body. You are your story.

True authenticity involves inner peace. It comes when we stop trying to fit certain moulds we think others want us to be. It is about embracing who we truly are without trying to conform and feeling connected to ourselves.

3 Components of Self-Connection

1) Awareness of Oneself

a) Consciously noticing your thoughts, emotions and behaviours without judgment

2) An Acceptance of Oneself Based on This Awareness

a) Embracing thoughts, feelings and identity as they are- without trying to suppress, deny or fix

3) An Alignment of One’s Behaviour With This Awareness

a) Process of living in accordance with values, beliefs and inner truth

The Importance of Re-Connecting With Your True Self

The essence of our true self can often get buried under expectations, labels and the need for validation. If you feel lost, if you feel disconnected, if you have no idea what your purpose is: simply focus on improving yourself. If at any moment of your life you don’t know what direction to head in: turn inwards. Your purpose is you.

Feeling truly at ease in your own skin begins with a simple yet profound curiosity. Who am I beneath the noise? What truly matters to me? What lights me up inside? These kinds of reflections can guide you back to the version of yourself that existed before the world told you who you should be.

As you start tuning into your own inner truths, you may notice shifts in how you move through life. Your choices start to reflect your own values rather than someone's expectations. And with that comes a deeper sense of purpose, clarity and genuine fulfilment.

The Discomfort of Being Alone With Yourself

In the rush of modern life, one of the most overlooked challenges is learning how to feel at ease in our own presence. For many people, being alone can stir up feelings of uneasiness or fear. From an early age, we’re taught that relationships and social connections are essential to our happiness and identity. While that’s true to an extent, it often leads us to rely on others to define our worth or sense of self. Sound familiar?

Over time, this constant reaching outward can disconnect us from who we really are. So we’re left with an important question: Can you find calm and clarity when you're your only companion? Can you sit with your thoughts and feelings without needing to escape or seek distractions?

Learning to be alone without feeling lonely is a powerful skill. It allows us to build a more honest, grounded relationship with ourselves. When we stop chasing approval and start turning inward, we uncover a deeper sense of connection, one that doesn’t depend on others to feel whole.

Living a Fulfilled and Authentic Life

When we stray away from who we are, life can start to feel very confusing. We bend ourselves to fit roles and expectations that do not reflect our truth. This can cost us our inner calm. Living in alignment with your true nature isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about letting go of the masks and returning to what’s always been within you. It’s about acting, speaking, and relating from a place of inner truth, not social pressure. That’s where real meaning and contentment come from.

Quick Tips To Start “Finding Yourself”:

1. Explore Your Values:

a. Take some time to reflect on your values and identify the ones that resonate with you the most.

2. Look To The Past:

a. Think back to a time when life felt fun and simple. What activities did you do? Who did you surround yourself with? What triggered those easy feelings? Try to recreate a version of that time of your life.

3. Journal

a. Spend a few minutes each day connecting with yourself. b. Write down things that make you happy, what makes you unhappy, and what new things you're feeling, thinking, and experiencing each day.

4. Focus on Establishing Trust From Within

a. When we trust ourselves, we are able to take chances and step outside of our comfort zone with a greater sense of ease.

5. Look for Role Models

a. Find other people who inspire you to help you figure out who you want to be.

6. Try New Things

a.This can help you discover what you enjoy, what you are good at, and what brings you meaning and purpose.

So ask yourself honestly: Do you feel grounded in who you are?

If not, maybe it’s time to come back to yourself. To practice self-reflection, nurture your well-being, and recommit to a life that honours your values. The more you live from that space of authenticity, the more peace and purpose you’ll find.

References

Barnes, S. (2023). How to Find Yourself in 14 Small, Meaningful Steps. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/finding-yourself

Klussman, K., Curtin, N., Langer, J., & Nichols, A. L. (2022). The Importance of Awareness, Acceptance, and Alignment With the Self: A Framework for Understanding Self-Connection. Europe's journal of psychology, 18(1), 120–131. https://doi.org/10.5964/ejop.3707

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