Valentine’s Day is here and storefronts are awash in shades of pink and red. Flower shops are lined with bouquets of red florals, while heart-shaped chocolates tempt customers as they pass through the grocery aisles to check out. When we think of Valentine’s Day, the general image is one of love and joy – A time for expressing appreciation and affection for the people in our lives. But for many, this day can be challenging. For those who are single, it may highlight the absence of celebrating the day with someone or serve as a reminder that they do not have a romantic partner in their life, even if there is no desire to actively be in a relationship. Past heartbreaks, relationship wounds, or current relationship issues may resurface when faced with the overwhelming imagery of love. The pressure to be with someone, to be coupled, to have someone to celebrate with, or simply be happy on Valentine’s Day can be profusely overwhelming. This can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness and inadequacy, particularly for those struggling with anxiety around relationships or have an anxious attachment. Valentine’s Day is a day that can bring about feelings of dread and shame: “I am not good enough”, “No one will ever love me”, “I do not have any one in my life”, “How can someone possibly love me if I am the way that I am?”.

Some of these words are familiar to me as I have said them to myself before in the past. If the statements above strike a chord deeply for you, I understand you. I see you. I feel you.

The narratives we sometimes tell ourselves turn into core self-beliefs that might make us feel undeserving of love, that we are not enough, or not loveable.

Here’s the truth: you are deserving of love. Your worth is not defined by your relationship status, your past, or the expectations from others or society. You are not defined by the stories you tell yourself.

Let’s shift the culture around Valentine’s Day and rewrite a more loving narrative that starts with you. What if Valentine’s Day is a day of celebrating you? Of loving yourself the way you have shown love to others or the way you want to be loved?

Here are 6 ways to practice self-love this Valentine’s Day:

1. Positive self-affirmations Words hold power and do matter. The way that we talk to ourselves impacts the way we view ourselves and how we move through the world. Create and start your day with a list of positive affirmations. It can help boost self-confidence and can change your thought patterns into more positive ones.

I encourage you to say these affirmations to yourself out loud in the mirror or write it down in your journal. Saying it out loud can help place more awareness to your self-talk, cultivating intentionality and mindfulness in the way you think about and speak to yourself.

Some examples of positive affirmations include:

I am worthy of love
I deserve happiness and the best
I am enough and I love myself just as I am
I accept myself exactly as I am without judgement
I am learning to love myself more every day. My self-love is expanding more and more.
I do not need anyone to feel worthy or deserving of love I love myself so that the capacity of love in my heart for others grows more

2. Self-love playlist

Why not curate a playlist of songs you love that celebrate your individuality or make you feel joyful? Music has the ability to uplift your mood and is an incredibly powerful form of self- expression.

Fill your day with music that makes you feel good. Create a self-love playlist and listen to it throughout the day, or start your day with songs that inspire you. Maybe jam out a karaoke session or dance in your pajamas in the living room. Sing and dance your heart out!

3. Write a love letter to yourself

Take a moment to reflect on everything that makes you unique. Write down a list of things that are unique to who you are and things you appreciate about yourself. Try to speak from a place of encouragement and love. This can harness more self-compassion and allow you to recognize the beauty in your individuality. It might feel uncomfortable at first and that is normal! It is easier to point out our flaws than our strengths. But by acknowledging the qualities we like in ourselves, the more confident and empowered we become. You can even write a letter thanking yourself for how far you have come in your journey; for the strength you have as you continue to grow and heal every day; or celebrating your achievements, no matter how big or small they are. Be gentle, compassionate and loving with yourself.

I encourage you to keep this letter and read it when you are feeling down or need a reminder of how beautiful and amazing you are. Tip: Take a picture of the letter or type it in the notes app on your phone so it is more easily accessible.

4. Pamper yourself: Self-care Day

Your body needs loving just as much as your emotional and mental well-being does too. Pamper yourself with a self-care ritual. It might be treating yourself to a massage at a spa or doing at home self-care activities. This could look like sipping on your favourite hot beverage, taking a bubble bath, following a guided meditation, putting on a face mask, going to the sauna if your condo building has one, or giving yourself a massage. Setting aside time for self-care is important and not only supports your physical and mental health, but also sends a message to yourself that your well-being is valued and a priority.

5. Be your own date

Take yourself out on a date! Valentine’s Day is typically a day seen as a time to show love and appreciation to the special people in your life. How about treating yourself and taking yourself out on a date? Dress up and book a reservation for the new restaurant you have been dying to try, cook yourself your favourite meal, catch a movie you have been wanting to see in the cinema, laugh away at a comedy show, watch a live band gig or concert, or even buy yourself flowers! (Miley Cyrus would be proud). When was the last time you gave yourself a present? Gift yourself an item you have been wanting or eyeing for a long time. It is time to show yourself the same love you would give to those you cherish dearly. Giving yourself the same love you would give to your loved ones is one of the most empowering acts of self-love.

6. Reflect and journal

Just like we try to learn about the people we are romantically interested in, date yourself and try to get to know yourself better. Having a deeper relationship with yourself is a form of self- love because you begin to understand yourself better and become more attuned with your own needs and desires. Journal and reflect on the following questions:

How do I want to express more love to myself?
What brings joy to my life and how can I make more time for it?
What are my strengths and how can I embrace them more?
What are some of the biggest challenges I have overcome, and how did they shape me? What did I learn about myself through it?

This Valentine’s Day, practice self-love in whatever way feels right for you. Remember, Valentine’s Day is just another day. If it resonates with you to celebrate yourself with love on this day, it is okay to do so. Take this time to appreciate yourself and build a deeper relationship with who you are and who you want to be. Self-love is an ongoing journey, one that helps foster a more fulfilling life. It is about tending and nurturing the most important relationship in your life – You. But, if Valentine’s Day is something you would rather not take part in or engage with, it is important to remember that February 15 is right around the corner.

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