Navigating Motherhood
Motherhood is hard. Not to mention the negative stigma put on mental health experiences that date back generations and generations. Negative worldviews and unrealistic expectations of motherhood can cause mothers to put an extreme amount of pressure on us as mothers. This pressure is a contributing factor to the onset of post-partum depression for many mothers. How do we navigate this?
First, let’s start by focusing on the things that we CAN control. When we focus on the things we CAN’T control, there will still be more areas of anxiety and worry that may not have been able to get a chance in exploring. So why not focus on the things that we CAN control with the resources that we do have? Unfortunately, post-partum depression and post-partum experiences are not as normalized or discussed enough. There are many mitigating factors that contribute the post-partum experiences of many women. Let’s first start off with the initial pregnancy experience. Unfortunately, some women may have had a negative experience during their months of carrying their child. Now to try and recover from these experiences upon arrival of baby? That can be extremely challenging. This can be even more challenging for individuals that may have thought motherhood would be predictable as life may have been pre- baby. So how do we navigate this? Learning to part ways with our old routines is the first step. This doesn’t mean to completely dismiss your desire for structure and routine, but finding ways to tweak it where it works with new baby schedule and your new sleep schedule ( I use sleep schedule lightly because our sleep as mothers does not always go as “scheduled”).
Many women who already experience mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety prior to having a child may see this increase upon arrival of baby, especially when those pressures of unrealistic expectations are present. Many mothers enjoy the excitement of researching nurseries, strollers, baby clothes and most importantly – baby names. One thing that often forgets to get researched is taking care of your mental health post-baby and the importance of this in order to show up healthy for yourself and baby. How many of us have heard about using our “village”. This can be difficult for many individuals who continue to put pressure on themselves and feel like they have to do everything on their own. The reality is, the more we are able to allow individuals to help us, the more we are able to take that time to take care of our mental health. Motherhood is a blessing but is also demanding. Many mothers end up suffering in silence because they affiliate not being able to “keep up” like they did before with failure.
The reality is, motherhood is a whole life transition. This transition can look like learning how to move from waking up 30 minutes before having to leave the house to now taking 2+ hours to get yourself and your newborn ready. I’m sure many mothers have wanted to just cancel the whole outing at one point or another due to that 2+ hour turning into 3+ hours. Be kind to yourself. It’s an adjustment. When we enter into a new job, do we get everything perfect the first day? The first week? No. Maybe for some. But many other individuals can strongly relate to needing that extra time to settle in. For a 9-5 job that might take a week, two weeks maybe even a year. With motherhood, this adjustment can be unmeasurable -- another adjustment that we learn to navigate. Learning to take time to be gentle with ourselves plays a vital role in our mental health during the journey of motherhood.
Depression and anxiety are two of the most prevalent challenges that show up post- pregnancy. Many of these challenges are due to a lack of support in navigating these new routines. What happens when our partners and/or family members are not so helpful when it comes to supporting and understanding the time and space needed to navigate these new routines? This is where adjustment is needed to take place as well. This looks like setting firm boundaries in what your limitations are when it comes to interactions. Just because others around may not be able to understand your experiences as a new mother does not mean your feelings and experiences are not valid. Not allowing other individuals to remove that experience away from you is extremely important in your healing journey and transition into motherhood. You don’t have to suffer in silence due to feeling invalidated. Find your village. Surround yourself with those individuals that DO support you.
References:
Cummins, M. W., & Brannon, G. E. (2022). Mothering in a pandemic: Navigating care work, intensive motherhood, and covid-19. Gender Issues, 39(2), 123–141. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12147-022-09295-w