As a therapist who works with moms, and as a mom myself, I’m all too familiar with the messages our culture sends to mothers. You’ve probably heard them too:

“Mothers are selfless!”
“A good mom always puts her kids first!”
“You should cherish every moment!”
“If you’re not exhausted, you’re not doing it right!”

While these messages are often well-meaning, they set an impossible standard. They tell moms they’re not entitled to rest, they must give up their own identities, and they glorify burnout while leaving no room for normal struggles or frustrations. In North American culture, the underlying message is clear: perfection should be your goal, even at the expense of your mental health and wellbeing.

But here is the thing: striving for perfection in parenting often does more harm than good. Let’s explore a kinder, healthier approach that invites moms to embrace being “good enough.”

The Problem with Perfect Parenting

At first glance, striving to be a perfect parent seems like a noble goal. Who wouldn’t want to show up perfectly for the people they love most? But when you take a closer look, the downsides start to pile up. Perfection comes with a cost, and moms often pay the price in ways like these:

Burnout Giving too much for too long can lead to emotional exhaustion, where you feel completely drained of energy and empathy. Over time, burnout can make you feel like nothing you do matters—a sense of futility that weighs heavily. (Source: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, 2019)
Anxiety The pressure to be perfect never lets up. The more you try to anticipate every possible outcome and make sure nothing goes wrong, the more anxious you feel — both in your thoughts and in your body. It’s an endless cycle of “What ifs” that can leave you feeling constantly on edge.
Depression When perfection becomes the goal, missing the mark feels devastating. Over time, this can lead to low mood, a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, and harsh self-criticism. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short, even when you’re giving it your all.

Why ‘Good Enough’ Is Actually Better

How does it feel to shift your goal as a mother from being perfect to simply being “good enough”? Does it give you a bit more breathing room and let your shoulders relax? The concept of the “good enough” parent, coined by child psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, is based on the idea that showing up responsively and sensitively to your child’s needs is more valuable — and sustainable — than striving for perfection.

Now, imagine having a perfect parent who never made a mistake. What would you learn from that? You might grow up believing that mistakes are unacceptable or that difficult emotions need to be avoided. In contrast, good enough parenting offers children invaluable life lessons.

Here’s what “good enough” parenting teaches children:

The world isn’t perfect, but they can adapt. When things don’t go according to plan, children learn to adjust and develop resilience.
Mistakes are opportunities for growth and connection. Messing up isn’t failure. It’s a chance to repair relationships and build trust, which helps children understand that imperfection is part of being human.
Uncomfortable emotions aren’t scary. By letting kids experience hard feelings, you create “manageable failures” that help them build emotional regulation and resilience over time.

In essence, being “good enough” isn’t settling for less—it’s setting the stage for your child to thrive in a world that isn’t perfect either.

How to Let Go of Perfectionism

It can be incredibly hard to shift away from perfectionism and toward “good enough” mothering, especially when societal messages insist on doing it all perfectly. Here are some actionable tips to help you lean into the “good enough” approach:

Focus on Connection Over Control

When you let go of the need to parent perfectly, you can focus on what truly matters: your relationship with your child. Connection means being present, listening, and responding with empathy, not getting everything right. Mistakes are inevitable, but they do not define your parenting. What matters most is how you repair after a rupture. Repairing with honesty and care strengthens trust and teaches your child that relationships can survive and grow from imperfection, which is one of the most important lessons you can offer.

Prioritize your Mental Health

A big step toward good enough parenting is carving out intentional time to focus on your own mental health. Schedule moments for yourself, whether it is reading a book, crafting, watching a favourite show, or catching up with friends. These small acts of self-care not only recharge you but also model to your children that moms deserve joy too. When you care for yourself, you give your nervous system the regulation it needs to handle the inevitable challenges of parenting. Remember, a calm and centred parent is better equipped to show up for their kids.

Notice, Name, and Challenge Perfectionist Thinking

Perfectionism can be so ingrained that we do not always recognize when it is taking over. Take some time to reflect: How does perfectionism show up for you? What thoughts or feelings arise when you are stuck in a perfectionist spiral? What does it feel like in your body? Once you are aware, you can begin to notice and name those moments: “Oh, there is that perfectionist part of me again. It wants to get everything right, but I know showing up authentically is what matters.” You do not need to push those feelings away because they often get louder when we do. Instead, acknowledge them, thank them for trying to help, and then choose actions aligned with your values rather than societal expectations.

Celebrate Small Wins

Shifting away from perfectionism takes practice, so it is important to recognize and celebrate progress, no matter how small. Did you pause to take a deep breath before responding to a meltdown? Celebrate that moment of mindfulness. Did you let go of a to-do list item to spend more time with your child? Acknowledge that choice. These small wins reinforce that “good enough” really is good enough. Over time, these small victories build confidence in your ability to parent in a way that feels sustainable, compassionate, and aligned with your values.

Remember, parenting is not about perfection. It is about connection, intention, and showing up with love, even when things do not go as planned. By letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing the “good enough” approach, you can create a healthier and more joyful experience for yourself and your child. Remember, you are already enough, just as you are.

If this message resonates with you and you would like support in applying it to your own life, I am here to help. Reach out today, and together we can explore how to create a more balanced and fulfilling parenting experience.

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