I want to begin by acknowledging that relationships exist in many diverse forms, and throughout this article, I will refer to what is often called "couple’s therapy" as "relationship therapy" in order to honor and respect the wide range of relationship dynamics and experiences. In my practice, I have discovered that there are many myths about relationship therapy which often deter people from seeking support. Stigmas of relationship therapy often stem from cultural beliefs that seeking professional help is a sign of weakness or failure, especially in relationships. However, in recent years there has been a shift in how therapy is viewed in the Western world. As more individuals seek therapy to work through their own personal challenges, many have began to shift to relationship therapy with the intention to strengthen relationships, improve communication, and address challenges before they escalate. This shift allows for people in relationships to embrace therapy as a positive tool for strengthening their partnerships. So let’s talk about some of the myths related to relationship therapy and set the record straight!

Myth: Relationship therapy is the last resort for “broken relationships” or relationships that are falling apart.

A belief that only people who are in relationships that are broken go to therapy or that it is the last resort is a common viewpoint based on the generations before us. Many people in relationships today may not have had strong examples of therapy in previous generations, as relationship counselling was less popular or even stigmatized. Older generations often viewed therapy as a sign of failure or something to avoid. However, relationship therapy can provide valuable tools to prevent distress, improve communication, and strengthen intimacy and connection.

Myth: The therapist will take my partners side and judge me.

Another fear about relationship therapy is that the therapist will choose sides or make judgements. I am here to inform you that therapy is not a court room. In fact, what people in relationships are disagreeing about takes less precedence in a counselling session than how people in relationships are disagreeing. The goal of therapy is to help all persons understand their behaviours, communication styles, and emotional needs, and help them work together to create healthier patterns. Your therapist will focus on understanding the dynamics of the relationship as a whole rather than judge individual triggers.

Myth: Therapy will work as long as one person wants to be there.

The truth is, all persons have to be willing to show up to therapy and do the work. If only one partner is invested in therapy then it simply will not work. Your therapist will talk with you and your partner(s) to explore what may be holding you back from therapy.

Myth: Relationship therapy is only for married couples.

You do not need to be married to seek support. Relationship therapy is for anyone that wants to improve their relationships. Whether the goal is to stay together without marriage, become married, or stay married, relationship therapy can be a helpful tool to improve your relationship.

Myth: Therapy will fix all of our problems.

Lastly, a myth I hear is that relationship therapy will “fix” problems. In fact relationship therapy is only as effective as you and your partner(s) are willing to do the work. Progress in therapy happens gradually, and it requires all partners to be open, patient, and committed to the process. The work done in therapy may include developing new skills, confronting difficult emotions, and making changes in long-standing patterns of behavior.

Similar to individual therapy, relationship therapy works best when the client(s) are clear on what they want to accomplish in therapy. Working with your therapist to develop these goals can help develop the best treatment plan together. Therapy works best when all persons within the relationship are committed to being there and feel comfortable to be as open and honest during their sessions. Taking the tools from therapy and applying them in the day to day interactions will help you determine whether therapy is working for you. It is equally important to identify in sessions what didn’t go well to understand why and what strategies can be implemented to reach your goals.

Tip: Most therapists offer a free 15 minute consult which is a great opportunity for you and your partner(s) to discover if that therapist would be a good fit for you. During that time, you get to ask questions that will help you make an informed decision

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