Are you constantly tending to your partner's needs, feelings, and problems? When was the last time you did something purely for yourself? If you're unsure, you're not alone. Many people in close relationships lose touch with themselves, their friends and family, or passions that once brought joy and balance.

It can be challenging to put your needs first when you're used to making your partner happy. Did you stop caring for yourself or stopped the hobbies you once loved because you prioritized your relationship? Do you feel guilty, or does your partner blame you for spending time away from your family or partner and taking time for yourself? Do you remember the last time you did something for yourself? Knowing what you truly want can be hard when you're constantly focusing on making others happy. We risk losing ourselves in close relationships when we stop prioritizing our needs.

Sometimes, in close relationships, one person can feel responsible for keeping things calm or preventing conflict by constantly managing the other's feelings. This often means setting aside your own needs to avoid conflict and keep the peace. By trying to manage your partner's emotions, you can begin to feel guilty or feel like you're failing yourself or your relationship if you cannot "fix" things. Over time, your self-worth becomes tied to the other's approval, leaving you uncertain who you are on your own. You're not weak or flawed for feeling this way. Patterns from our past show up in our relationships all the time. Some patterns can teach us to sacrifice too much of ourselves to feel secure. But the truth is, you deserve to be seen and valued as a whole person. It can be tough to put your needs first when you're used to making other people happy. In relationships, we often devalue our self-worth and feel we need to make others happy to be loved or think our needs don't matter as much. If you recognize yourself this way, know there is a path to reclaim your self-worth and reconnect with your identity. Start with the following small steps with compassion for yourself along the way:

Rebuilding Self-Awareness: Take a moment to reflect on what made you happy before the relationship. Who were the people you spent time with, and how did they support and uplift you? What types of hobbies or activities did you find exciting? Reach out to those people and do an activity to help you reconnect with who you are.

Setting Boundaries: One effective way to boost your self-worth is by learning to set boundaries. It's crucial to understand these boundaries aren't selfish or a way to distance yourself from others. It's actually about respecting and loving yourself. You have every right to say "no" when you need to. Taking care of your own needs is essential, and prioritizing yourself doesn't mean you care less about the people you love. Instead, it shows that you value yourself with those relationships. By setting boundaries, you're effectively communicating how you want to be treated, and it helps you see who truly respects and values your limits. In short, boundaries are what you're comfortable with and what you're not.

Building Self-Worth: Building self-worth takes time and comes from within, so start slowly by spending a few minutes each day asking yourself, "What do I need?" If you've spent a long time prioritizing others, reconnecting with your own needs, wants, and desires requires patience and effort.

Remember, changing old habits and building up your self-worth takes time. Without judgment, pause and reflect on what you need or what you desire. Whether it's a moment of peace, a little self-care, or simply the permission to say "no" to something that doesn't feel right, honouring your needs before others is a powerful step towards embracing your worth. Remember, you deserve relationships where you're truly seen, heard and valued for who you are. I'd be honoured to support you if you're ready to explore reconnecting with yourself, creating better boundaries and finding your self-worth. Contact me or another therapist who can help you rediscover your value and build fulfilling relationships

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