Have you ever felt like you’re falling short or insecure in your relationships- either as a partner, friend, coworker or parent? This could be due to struggles with self-esteem! Low self-esteem can create invisible obstacles that keep us from experiencing deep, fulfilling connections. This tells us that the way we perceive ourselves can really shape the relationships we build, whether in romance, friendship, or the workplace.

How Low-Self Esteem Affects Romantic Relationships

1. Insecurity

Individuals with low self-esteem can present with a persistent fear of rejection or abandonment. This fear may have led you to behaviours that can strain the relationship including doubt in your partner's love, jealousy, possessiveness and clinginess. These behaviours can ironically, push our partners away.

2. Dependency

Low self-esteem can further lead to individuals becoming overly dependent on their partners for validation and reassurance, creating an unhealthy power dynamic. Notably, this over- reliance on our partners for validation can lead to a dependency that ultimately hinders growth for both individuals.

3. Lack of Assertiveness

Further, low self-esteem may cause us to silence our own needs, worrying that expressing them will make us seem “needy.” Struggling to assert needs and desires in relationships can manifest as a fear of rejection or conflict, leading to a lack of communication and compromise. This can eventually lead to resentment as we push away our desires to avoid conflict.

4. Tolerance of Mistreatment

Those with this low self-esteem may also tolerate mistreatment or abuse in relationships, believing they “don't deserve better” treatment. This can ultimately perpetuate unhealthy patterns and prevent them from seeking healthier connections.

On the flip side, higher self-compassion leads to secure attachment styles and constructive behaviours during conflicts. So, what does this mean? Self-compassion not only enhances personal well-being but also contributes to more resilient and supportive partnerships!

If any of the above challenges sound familiar- do not worry- you can still develop loving, trusting and secure romantic relationships! Overcoming these challenges involves improving self-esteem:

1. Practice self-reflection to uncover fears and discuss openly with your partner

a. Reflect on values, strengths and accomplishments

b. Recognize your worth and focus on building a positive self-image

2. Set Boundaries to prioritise your needs

a. Learn to say “no” when something does not align with your values or makes you feel uncomfortable

3. Affirm your self-worth independently

a. List qualities you like about yourself, set personal goals, consider counselling

How Self-Esteem Affects Our Friendships

Not only does self-esteem affect our romantic relationships, but also our everyday friendships. Developing and maintaining friendships can be difficult for individuals with low self-esteem for many reasons:

1. People Pleasing

Those with low self-esteem tend to prioritize friends' needs over their own, eager to please to avoid conflict and struggle to maintain boundaries. We’ve all been there! These tendencies can lead to burnout or resentment over time due to the fear of vulnerability and rejection that affects people’s interactions.

2. Fear of Judgement

Low self-esteem can also make it tricky for people to open up due to fear of being judged. This self-protection leads to shallow friendships, preventing deep, meaningful connections.

If this sounds like you, read on! Here are some tips on how to overcome these obstacles and create meaningful, long-lasting friendships:

1. Have open conversations about boundaries

a. Learn effective communication skills like active listening and assertiveness.

b. Check-in with yourself before agreeing to plans/favours

2. Practice saying “no” without guilt: true friends will respect healthy limits

a. Express your needs and concerns openly and honestly. Fostering healthy dialogue

3. Use journaling to process emotions and recognize patterns in friendships that harm your self-worth

How Self-Esteem Affects Our Work Relationships

Finally, how we communicate and advocate for ourselves at work can also be affected by low self-esteem. This might show up as we may struggle to express our ideas and opinions. For example, we may engage in…

1. Second guessing

People with low self-esteem often second-guess their contributions and let others do most of the talking rather than sharing. This can lead to missed opportunities for growth and recognition. Over time, this pattern can also reinforce self-doubt.

2. Perfectionism

Low self-esteem can further drive perfectionism, making people hypersensitive to feedback or criticism, straining relationships with colleagues and supervisors and hindering development. This mindset may create tension in relationships with colleagues and supervisors.

3. Seeking external validation

Seeking validation and approval from supervisors or colleagues to feel valued can further lead to burnout. The need for constant affirmation can also lead us to be more susceptible to workplace stress as our sense of accomplishment is dictated by external feedback rather than an internal sense of confidence.

Altering these behaviours at work takes practice! With consistent effort, you can build confidence and take up space in your workplace. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Practice assertive communication skills to express your ideas and contributions confidently in the workplace

a. Speak up *even if it is uncomfortable! * - you do not need to have the perfect answer or idea. Just voicing your thoughts can build confidence!

2. Set small, achievable goals to build confidence

a. Instead of aiming for flawless execution, focus on learning and progress

3. Focus on cultivating intrinsic self-worth with affirmations

a. Keep a success journal and reflect at the end of each day

b. Recognize and celebrate your own achievements You deserve to feel valued, and with time, patience and practice can foster both self- confidence and deeper connections with those around you! Take care of your worth. It can make a world of difference.

References

Lathren, C. R., Rao, S. S., Park, J., & Bluth, K. (2021). Self-Compassion and Current Close Interpersonal Relationships: A Scoping Literature Review. Mindfulness, 12(5), 1078–1093. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01566-5

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