We’ve all been there: someone cuts you off in traffic. Your boss says something that pushes the wrong button. That one coworker microwaved fish, … again! So, you seek out a partner, coworker, or friend for a good venting session only to be met with… alternative explanations or solutions?! That’s not what you’re here for! You just need to vent and let off some steam so you can feel better! On to the next friend, and this time you get agreement and cheering-on of your righteous indignation! Ahh, finally, this is what you were really looking for and boy does it feel great in the moment. Except, now your venting session is over and somehow you feel more amped up and angry than before.

You’ve just experienced a concept known as rage catharsis and wow, did that not work! Of course, these are small examples of triggering situations but no matter the level of anger, the idea of reducing it by “letting off steam” is a long-held belief that has been debunked by a lot of research. Catharsis isn’t just a juicy verbal venting session. You may have heard of getting aggression out physically by using a punching bag or screaming into a pillow. While these actions may feel good in the short-term by providing an immediate physical release, research shows they actually increase your negative physical and mental stimulation, both in the short and long term. Turns out engaging in venting doesn’t actually let off steam. It’s more comparable to pouring gasoline on a fire!

So, back to that annoying coworker situation- What’s so bad about talking out our anger? Aren’t we supposed to let it out? The problem with the venting session is we tend to seek out people who will offer agreement and avoid conversations that challenge. It’s human nature and it feels oh so good and validating to have someone tell us we’re right! But catharsis loses its lustre when we look around and realize our situation hasn’t changed and we’re more upset than before with no solutions in sight. Instead, when you need to talk out that anger, it’s better to be selective in who you speak to. Studies show that talking to someone who helps you find a way to think differently about your situation can help reduce anger. A close loved-one or a friend may be more likely to provide this level of honest insight than a casual acquaintance (or worse, someone in the comment section). Of course, speaking to a therapist can also provide some needed perspective with the added bonus of learning how to view new situations differently going forward. The timing of that conversation is also important. If you’re still at the peak of your negative feelings, something as simple as deep breathing or counting to 10 can alleviate the tension enough so that you can properly hear and accept a perspective shift. Similarly, finding a quick distraction or engaging in a pleasurable activity can help bring your stimulation level down so you can revisit the issue with a cooler head.

If you find yourself getting angry more often or with greater intensity, there are some useful practices that can help you change your responses. Engaging in mindfulness exercises, yoga, and relaxation techniques may help you keep your head the next time anger flares. Regular practice, even when you’re not angry, can create a tool that you can use quickly the next time you are. A therapist can help you learn and practice these techniques to figure out which works best for you. Studies also show a mindset of gratitude can go a long way in reducing anger. Gratitude builds empathy for others and helps shift our thought patterns from anger to optimism, hope, and a greater satisfaction with life. This mindset can be fostered through a regular practice of reflecting on things outside of ourselves that we feel grateful for- even (and maybe especially) the small things!

So the next time you smell microwaved salmon wafting out of the breakroom, try something different! Take a beat, quiet your mind, confide in someone who typically helps you feel calmer, and reflect on what you are thankful for in the larger scheme of things.

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